Spanish Inquisition, Part 1 (extended) Songtext
von Monty Python

I didn′t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition

Nobody expects a Spanish Inquisition
Our weapon is surprise, surprise and fear, fear and surprise
Our two weapons are fear and surprise and a ruthless efficiency
Our three weapons are fear and surprise and a ruthless efficiency
And an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, ah
Amongst our weapons are fear, surprise, ruth
Amongst our weaponry (weaponry) are such elements as
Uh fear, uh su - I'll come in again

I didn′t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition
Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as
Uh fear, uh surprise, a ruthless efficiency
And an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope
And a night out with the neighbour... Ah


It's no good, I'm sorry
Cardinal Biggles, you′ll have to say it
What?
You′ll have to say "Our chief weapons are..."
Oh, I couldn't, I couldn′t say that at all, I c... right

I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition

Oh, ah, aah, nobody, um (expects), expects
Nobody expects the, um, Spanish, um (Inquisition)
No, I know
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition
In fact those who do expect (Our chief weapon is) Our chief weapon is, um
(Surprise) Surprise and, um - Stop, stop, stop that
I′ve got it, alright, alright
Our chief weapon is surprise blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Now, Cardinal Fang, read the charges

"One pound for a full sketch, 24p for a quickie"

What'll you have?
Sketch, please


Good evening and welcome to "World Forum"
Tonight is indeed a unique moment in the history of television
We are very privileged and deeply honoured to have with us in the studio
Karl Marx, the founder of modern Socialism and author of the Communist Manifesto
Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov, better known to the world as Lenin
Leader of the Russian Revolution, writer, statesman and father of modern Communism
Che Guevara, the Bolivian guerrilla leader
And Mao Tse-Tung, chairman of the Chinese Communist Party since 1949

And the first question is for you, Karl Marx, The Hammers
The Hammers is the nickname of what english football team, The Hammers?
No? Well, bad luck, Karl, it is in fact West Ham United

Now Che Guevara, Che
Coventry City last won the FA Cup in what year?
No? I′m gonna have to throw the question open, anyone else?
Coventry City last won the FA Cup in what year?
No, well I'm not surprised you didn't get it, it was a trick question
Coventry City have never won the FA Cup

So now with the scores all equal it′s on to our second round
And Lenin, you′ll start off at ten
Teddy Johnson and Pearl Carr won the Eurovision Song Contest in 1959
What was the name of the song?
Teddy Johnson and Pearl Carr's winning song in the 1959 Eurovision Song Contest?
No? Yes, Mao Tse-Tung?
Sing ah Little Birdie
Yes, it was indeed, well challenged

Well now we come to our special gift section
Our contestant is Karl Marx and the prize this week is a beautiful lounge suite
Now Karl has asked for questions on the workers′ control of factories
So here we go with number one
Are you nervous, Karl?
A little, yes
The development of the industrial proletariat is conditioned by what other development?
The development of the industrial bourgeoisie
Good, yes, yes, that's one, you′re on your way to the lounge suite
Now number two, Karl, the struggle of class against class is a "what" struggle?
A "what" struggle?
A political struggle
Yes, yes, very good, Karl
Now one more question and that beautiful lounge suite is yours
Are you gonna try?
Yes, please
You're a brave man, Karl
So Karl Marx, here is your last question
Who won the Cup Final in 1949?
Th... The workers′ control of the means of production
No, the struggle of the urban proletariat
No, it was Wolverhampton Wanderers who beat Leicester 3-1

Hello, I'm just listening to this record with my wife and our au pair
And I'd like to say how shocked we are
That a pleasant collection of Norwegian folk songs
Should be turned into an excuse for Communist propaganda of the shoddiest kind
What′s gone wrong with the world?
I can′t even take a bath without six or seven communists jumping in with me
They're in my shirt cupboar
And Brezhnev and Kosygin are in the kitchen now, eating my wife′s jam
Oh, they're climbing up my legs
I can see them peeping out of my wife′s blouse
Why doesn't Mr. Maudling do something before it′s too late?
Oh, God

And several butchers' aprons