Titties & Beer Songtext
von Frank Zappa

It was the blackest night
There was no moon in sight
You know, the stars ain′t shinin'
′Cause the sky's too tight
Heard the scary wind
I seen some ugly trees
There was a werewolf honkin'
′Long the side of me
I′m mean an' I′m bad, y'know I ain′t no sissy
Got a big-titty girly by the name of Chrissy
Talkin' about her an′ my bike an' me
An' this ride up the mountain of mystery, mystery


How you doin′?
I noticed even the crickets actin′ weird up here
And so I figured I might just drink a little beer
I said, "Gimme some of that what yer suckin' on"
But there was no reply ′cause she was gone
Where's those titties I like so well?
And my goddamn beer is what I started to yell
Then I heard this noise like a crunchin′ twig
And up jumped the devil, he's about this big
He had a red suit on and a widow′s peak
An' then a pointed tail an' like a sulphur reek

Yes, it was him, alright, I sweared I knowed it was
He had some human flesh stuck underneath his claws
You know it looked to me like it was titty skin
I said, "You son of a bitch", ′cause I was mad at him
He just got out his floss and started cleanin′ his fang
So I shot him with my shooter
Said, "Bang, bang, bang"
Then the sucker just laughed and said
"Put it away, you know, I ate her all up
Now what you gonna say?"
You ate my Chrissy?
"Yeah, titties 'n all"

Well, what about the beer then?
"Now, were the cans this tall?"
Even her boots?
"Would I lie to you?"
Shit, you must′ve been hungry
"Yeah, this is true"


Don't they pay you good for the stuff that you do?
"Well, you know, I can′t complain when the checks come through"
Well, I want my Chrissy (oh, yeah?), an' I want my beer (hah)
So you just barf it back up now, devil
Do you hear?
"Look, blow it out your ass, motorcycle man
I mean, I am the devil, do you understand?
Just what will you give me for your titties and beer?
I suppose you noticed this little contract here"

Yer goddam right, you son of a whore (don′t call me that)
That's about the only reason I learn right before
Gimme that paper, bet your horns I'll sign
Because I need a beer, an′ it′s titty-squeezin' time
"Man, you can′t fool me, you ain't that bad (oh, yeah?)
Yeah, you shoulda seen some of the souls I had
There was Milhous Nixon an′ Agnew, too
An' both of those suckers was worse ′n you"
Let's make a deal if you think that's true
I mean, you′re supposed to be the devil, so whatcha gonna do?

"Hold on just a second, you wanna make a deal with me, huh (yeah)
Well, I don′t know man, you know, I just don't know about this"
What, are you losing your nerve?
"No man, it ain′t got nothin' to do with nerve"
You′re supposed to be the devil, you're supposed to be bad
"I don′t know if you're the right style to get into hell"
Well, actually I'll tell you, tell you honest to God truth
I′m very short on style as a matter of fact
"Yeah, I know, that′s what makes me wonder"
I think I have something that you may be interested in
"What is that?"

You can have my soul, it's a mean little sucker about 1000 years old
But once you get it you can′t give it back
You gotta keep it forever and that's a natural fact (woo-wee)
Dou you read me, devil? (oh, yeah)
"What, am I supposed to be scared?
I bet you′re real bad, listen fool

You gotta prove to me that you're ruff enough to get into hell
That you got a style enough to get into hell
So stop talking"
Alright, let me tell you something
I′ll prove to you that I'm bad enough to go to hell
Because I have been through it (yeah)
I have seen it (yeah)
It has happened to me (yeah)

Remember, I was signed with Warner Brothers for 8 years fucking years (tell me about it)
"Now you're talking" (how bad is that?)
"That sounds good to me, motherfucker
So move right along, tell me what your interests are, you know
If we gonna come to some kind of agreement
I got to know what you′re all about, you know
′Cause I don't know if you′re right kind of cat for the place, you know?"

Look, let me tell you what my problem really is, you see (ok)
My problem is that I don't belong anywhere, you see
I don′t belong even where you are, you see
"I hope not"
I'm a simple person, you know
I have very small desires in life
Titties and beer, you know (no)
"What?"
Titties and beer (no man, you don′t...)

Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer
Titties and beer

"No, don't sign it, give me time to think
Hold on a second boy 'cause that′s magic ink"
Then the devil fart and out showed my girl
They have titties and puppet all over the world
She said, "I got me three beers and a fistful of downs
And I′m gonna get ripped, so fuck you clowns"
Then she gave us the finger, it was rigid and stiff
That's when the devil she farted
And she went right over the cliff
The devil was mad, I took off to my pad

I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
Swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
I swear I do declare, how did she get back there?
Alright