When You Are Old and Grey Songtext
von Tom Lehrer

[Spoken live introduction on Revisited:]
[The most popular type of popular song is of course the love song, and I'd like to illustrate several subspecies of this form during the evening.First of all, the type of love song where the fellow tells the girl that although the years ahead will almost certainly destroy every vestige of her already dubious charms, that nonetheless his love for her will shine on forever through the years, you know. Another example of stark realism in the popular song.This particular example is called "When You Are Old And Grey,"and I'd like to dedicate it to anyone in the audience who is still in love with each other.]

Since I still appreciate you
Let's find love while we may
Because I know I'll hate you
When you are old and grey

So say you love me here and now
I'll make the most of that
Say you love and trust me
For I know you'll disgust me . . .
When you're old and getting fat!


An awful debility
A lessened utility
A loss of mobility
Is a strong possibility
In all probability
I'll lose my virility
And you your fertility
And desirability
And this liability
Of total sterility
Will leed to hostility
And a sense of. futility
So let's act with agility
While we still have facility
For we'll soon reach senility
And lose the ability . . .

Your teeth will start to go dear
Your waist will start to spread
In twenty years or so dear
I'll wish that you were dead

I'll never love you then at all
The way I do today
So please remember
When I leave in December . . .
I told you so in May