The Great Conch Train Robbery Songtext
von Shel Silverstein

′Twas sunset down in old Key West
The locals all were high
The tourists snapped their photographs
And munched their key lime pie
And meanwhile down at Sloppy Joe's
The drinks were standing tall
With Buffett on the jukebox
And Hemingway on the wall

Then up spoke Sam the shrimper
He said: "I′ve been a shrimper all my life
My daddy was a shrimper
And my mom's a shrimper's wife
And I′m tired of being a shrimper
′Cause the shrimper's life′s too tame
So I'm gonna rob the Conch Train, boys
And be like Jesse James"


Gonna be like Jesse James, boys
Gonna be like Jesse James
′Case you didn't hear me the first three times
Gonna be like Jesse James

Now the Conch Train is a tourist toy
That rolls through Key West town
Like some weird ride from Disneyland
It drives the tourists round and round
While the engineer on her P.A
Points out all the sights

With "Tennessee did you know what
To you know who that night?"
"But the tourists all have money," said Sam
"Their wives have rings of gold
Their mopeds all are pawned able
Their cameras can be sold

And think of all the glory, boys
The money and the fame

To be the first and only man
To rob the Key West train"


Now the engineer of the Conch Train
Her name was Betsy Wright
She drove the Conch Train all day long
And loved Shrimper Sam all night
And with some sweet persuasion
She agreed to join the game
She′d slow it down at Flagler
And let him rob the train

The Conch Train made its turn
Down at Smathers Beach
When Shrimper Sam with a snorkel on
Leaped naked from the sea
His fillet knife was in his hand
He jumped aboard the train
"Give up your bucks, you tourist schmucks
I'm Key West's Jesse James"

I′m Key West′s Jesse James, boys
I'm Key West′s Jesse James
'Case you didn′t hear me the first three times
I'm Key West′s Jesse James

Now unbeknownst to Shrimper Sam
In the third car from the rear
Sat Kelso Boles from Muscle Shoals
An American legionnaire
He was a redneck of respect
And a marksman of renown
From under his fat he drew a gat
And shot the shrimper down

Now the first time that he shot poor Sam
Sam groaned and clutched his side
The second time he shot poor Sam
Sam fell to his knees and cried
And the third time that he shot poor Sam
You could see in both their eyes
Lash LaRue and Randolph Scott
Beneath the western skies

We laid poor Sam upon the sand
And we lifted up his head
We listened close to hear the words
The dyin' shrimper said
He said: "Boys, you know I had my chance
But I went and botched the job
But how can a boy be Jesse James
Without a train to rob?"

Then Kelso Boles, he took off his hat
And the tears streamed down his face
He said: "Son, I know just how you feel
This world's a changin′ place
When history is written
Oh, they won′t recall our names
But I only got to play Pat Garrett
'Cause you played Jesse James"

We buried Sam in the southernmost sand
Close by the southernmost waves
Where sweet Betsy Wright cries tears every night
Onto his southernmost grave
And on his tombstone see the words
"Stick to your own game
And if you are a shrimper
Do not try to rob a train"