You Can't Fix Stupid Songtext
von Ron White

I had a great year last year
And I got married last year to Barbara, my wife, a wonderful woman
Barbara was actually Jeff Foxworthy′s interior designer when I met her
So not only was Jeff really responsible for my success and my career
But he also introduced me to the woman
I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, which I think makes us even

Barbara′s my age, I didn't marry a kid, you know
I married somebody that really stimulates me intellectually
A very smart girl, two degrees, a great business head
And, she's also very sexy, she′s a beautiful woman


But if I could give advice to the planet
It would be don′t marry for looks alone
Go in either way, and I'll tell you why
In a few years, if Barbara′s boobs start to sag too much
There's a place you can go
Where they can just lift them right back up where they were
And they can move the nipple wherever they want them

You can actually go to a titty bar, pick out a set of titties
And say, I want those titties, that one right there
If her belly gets too big and she doesn′t want to work enough
You can go get a tummy tuck
They'll give you a belly that looks like a cheerleader

You know, if your eyes go bad, you can have LASIK surgery
And they can give you 20-20 vision at any age
If your hearing starts to fail, they can put a device in your ear
That will make you able to hear as good as you could the day you were born

But let me tell you something, folks
You can′t fix stupid
There's not a pill you can take
There's not a class you can go to, stupid is forever