Titty Bar Christmas Songtext
von Larry the Cable Guy

′Twas the night before Christmas, when throughout the trailer park
Everyone was sleeping, 'cept a couple of Haitian immigrants
Taking out the radio in the car where I was parked
And me, in my Dick Trickle undershorts, cleaning my truck full of dirt
Wondered how I got ketchup stains on my new Hugh Farley shirt
Down at the titty club, I heard they was packed
So I put on some boots, and I drove down there with D-Wayne
And parked in the back
We walked inside, and what did we see
But an oriental stripper wanting to dance for me
So I sat on the couch, spread eagle with a beer
As old Ling Chow gave me some Christmas cheer
I felt like a king, I was proud as a peach
And I was ready for more, I wanted one of each I was getting demanding, I was kind of a dick
Yelling at the girls to dance, and wanting them quick
"Hey, Candy! Come here, show me that butt!
Ginger and Cocoa, rub on my nuts!
Hey, Blondie, turn around, are them real or fake?
They gotta be real, that plastic don′t shake!"
There was redheads and brunettes
It was the best Christmas by far
Then we ran out of money, and left for the car
And later that night, as I slept in my bed
Visions of T-Bag still dancing in my head
I smiled and dreamed of boobs, big and small
Oh, that titty bar Christmas was the greatest of all