Stool Troubles Songtext
von Larry the Cable Guy

You ain′t going to believe what happened to me in Las Vegas
My toilet wouldn't flush, the whole time I was there
Which was weird because I cut out hot pockets before I went out there
All right

So I done take the lid off my toilet tank
You ain′t going to believe what was in there
David Blaine
Oh Blaine, and keep holding his breath in my toilet tank
For a damn week, hey, say what you want, that son of bitch is good

I went fishing when I was out there, I enjoy fishing
You know, hey, I'm going to tell you
I went with the pros in the bass pro tournament one time
And I'm gonna be straight up with you
I was matching them boys fish for fish for about an hour and a half


Until they caught me stealing them out of the cooler
All right, doing pretty good right there
Had a buddy of mine caught a rainbow trout and threw it back
Said he didn′t want a gay fish
Hey, we always do catch and release, after we did do
I wish herpes were catch and release

I like to hunt
We went to a nuclear power plant and hunted in the woods next to it
And I got a 34 point rabbit in there
We always go at night, it′s easier
All the critters glow in the dark out there
Remember when Dick Cheney accidentally shot Dan Quayle a while back?

What's the proper etiquette
When you′re shoot your buddy when you hunting? Paw!
My bad!
My bad, that's on me, bud!
Doggone it, I should have yelled forward

I felt bad for the vice president, no, I like him
I just felt bad for hi, he shot his buddy, I mean, it ain′t political
Why does the news media got to make every doggone thing political?

Nobody felt worse about it than Dick Cheney
Shot his doggone buddy, lay off of him
You want to make it political? Let's do it then


Democrats, Republicans, it′s all even, all right
Cheney shot his buddy in the face
And Clinton shot his intern in the face, all right
So there you go, that'll do it
Get it done, that's right
That′s right