Dr. Kitch Songtext
von Judge Dread

Good evening ladies and gentlemen

And welcome to our version of Cock Follies tonight
Because what I′m gonna do
In case anybody wonders who I am or what I am
I'm the one who gets banned

Because they say I make rude records
Now, this may be so and it may be not
Because rudeness is in the eye of the beholder
In fact, I go in the Guinness Book of Records this year
As holding the highest number of banned records in the world
Now, I don′t know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing
It just means that I'm immortalized for the rest of me life


So what we′re gonna do tonight
We′re not gonna offend anybody
Because we've got automatic bleep machines and things like that
So what we′re gonna do
We're gonna start with a very very clean number
In fact it was one done by Dana a little while back
In fact Dana′s down here next week
So this is one of Dana's first songs
It′s called Dr. Kitch

I am not a qualified physician
And I don't want to give this injection
I am not a qualified physician
And I don't want to give this injection
Now if he is begging for trouble
She is insisting I give her this needle
But darling one thing you ought to know
Don′t blame me for where the needle go

I push it in, she pulls it out
I push it back, she start to shout
"Dr. Kitch, you′re terrible
I can't stand the sight of your needle"


She lie down in such a position
It was difficult to give this injection
She start holding onto the needle
Making me so uncomfortable
I said "Darling can′t you be steady?
I'm going to have it in very sharply"
She said "Dr. Kitch, I am sorry
But the sight of the needle frightens me"

I push it in, she pulls it out
I push it back, she start to shout
"Dr. Kitch, you′re terrible
I can't stand the sight of your needle"

I pull it from the hole and start again
I have the needle now in the right vein
The needle just gone in half an inch
The stupid young lady start to flinch
Suddenly she bawled "Great it′s working
I can feel it very silly going in"
I said "You silly fool look what you do
The needle got broke inside of you"

I push it in, she pulls it out
I push it back, she start to shout
"Dr. Kitch, you're terrible
I can't stand the sight of your needle"

Thank you very much
Thank you

Well, that was Dr. Kitch
As I say, done by Dana

Now, this next one was done by me
And it was quite a good chart record actually
It went high in the charts
And they never read the title out
Because people say in the business I am well endowed
Which is no truth in the rumour
Because a lady shot off in the war
And it left me with a nine inch stump

Now, this one has just got a very very simple title
Actually my mother likes this one
Mind you she likes most things because she′s a big woman