Ballad of Mauser, Proctor and Mrs Thatcher Songtext
von Yohannans

Mauser was sitting in his office
His door slightly ajar
The drivers′ day shift was over
The evening shift about to start
Their voices distracted him
But he couldn't bring himself to get up and close the door
He flexed his biceps
Got reminded of his balls

He could hear Ronnie the rocker
Telling another Amazon tale
Travis laughed out loud
Lenny giggled, Benny wailed
Proctor was also out there
But he didn′t make a sound
Proctor was Mausers eyes and ears
When Mauser wasn't around


Someone came in with a bang
"Hey you guys," he could hear Sif say
Mauser shivered, he didn't like her
The only woman in the place
They all greeted her gaily
Everyone except for Proctor
Sif didn′t like Mausers protégé
Called him a "fuckin′ squealer"

Now Mauser just sat there
Waiting for the drivers to leave
He had only stayed cos' his boss, mrs Thatcher
Wanted him to talk to Sif
It was going to be a correction call
But here he was all drowning in work
Telling himself that he′s not at all
Avoiding the talk with her

Mrs Thatcher's like an ancient queen
Mauser her commissar
Proctor′s got a glorious future
In the workplace DDR


"What's happening?" asked Ronnie
"Nothing," answered Sif
She sat down and continued, "nothing
That wouldn′t have happened eventually"
Ronnie smiled and sighed
Sif stretched out and yawned
There was nothing to Sif that would imply
That tonight she would put on her uniform

Lenny stood in front of the mirror
"Are you working with us this weekend, Sif?" he asked
"No, sorry guys," Sif said
"I have to take care of the kids, so I can't.
Their father was supposed to have them
But then he backed out
It would have meant I would have to
Leave them alone in the house"

"But Maggie said you have to,"
They heard Proctor say, "so you are,
Other wise it'll be absence without leave,
And appropriate reprisals from HR"
"This fuckin′ place," Sif said,
"Brown nose here, Pinochet there"
She pointed at the office,
"I know he′s in," she said, "I don't care"

Proctor opened his mouth, waiting
For Mauser to come to his rescue
"Shut up," Sif said to him
"I′m not talking to you, I'm talking about you"
When Mauser didn′t show,
Proctor got confused and resigned
Sif laughed "look at him," she said
"So lost without papas skirt to hide behind"

Mrs Thatcher thinks she's king solomon
Mauser a workers′ saviour
Proctor's happy to be informal chief
In the workplace DDR

"So they won't let you off this weekend," Travis said,
"I wonder for what reason
After all, there are many drivers who′s got schedules
Adapted to their family situation"
"Yea," Sif said, "and this schedule i′ve got
Has always messed up my weeks with the kids
And I've told both Maggie T and Mauser so for months,
But they just wont let me change it"

"I don′t wanna be paranoid," Sif continued
"But maybe that's just what I ought to be
I mean, they′re really acting as if
They got something personal against me.
I reckon the union could have
Gotten me some money for discrimination
But spending months with the likes of Margaret
No, that's not an option"

Sif opened her locker, Benny turned to her, asked
"What are you gonna do next?"
"Easy," she answered and put the stuff in her bag
"Feel a whole lot better with myself"
Sifs phone beeped, she looked at it,
"I remember when guys would send me mix tapes," she said
"Of awful love songs, always found them pathetic
Now they′re sending dick pics instead"

Sif walked to the door, saying "See you around guys,"
And then she was gone
Everybody knew it was high time
For all of them to move on
The drivers went to work,
Mauser was the last one to leave
Tonight he was really looking forward
To come home to his family

The gang of three make a beautiful pact
In the quest for power
Upholders of the absolute rule
In the workplace DDR