Artificial Insemination Songtext
von Tig Notaro

You guys don′t wanna have kids
Do you? Ya I do with all of you
I think we're gonna make great parents
The weekends are gonna be tough
Splitting up the time but we′re gonna do it
I think I have to get artificially inseminated
I love that it's called that.
Cause it not like you're not getting inseminated.
You′re getting inseminated. If it was artificial you′d go in for your doctor's appointment
And they insert one of those sponge creatures inside of you that expands
And nine months later ... a velasture rapture
Hey somebody artificially inseminated me.
Who is the wise guy?
But I also love the idea of getting artificially inseminated
And just giving it up for adoption
It turns out I don′t want that child after all.