Hitchhiking Songtext
von Steven Wright

Years ago I worked in a natural organic health food store in Seattle, Washington
One day a man walked in and he said
"If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?"
I said, "I don′t know, let me ask Tony"
Two days later, I was fired for eating cotton candy and drinking straight Bosco on the job
So I figured I'd leave the area
Because I had no ties there anyway, except for this girl I was seeing
We had conflicting attitudes, I really wasn′t into meditation
She really wasn't into being alive


I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate has an expiration date on it
Decided to leave and go to California
So I packed up my Salvador Dalí print of two blindfolded dental
Hygienists trying to make a circle on an Etch-A-Sketch
And I headed for the highway and began hitching
Within three minutes, I got picked up by one of those huge trailer trucks
Carrying 20 brand-new cars
Climbed up the side of the cabin, I opened the door, and the guy said
"I don't have much room in here, why don′t you get in one of the cars in the back?"
So I did

And he was really into picking up people because he picked up 19 more
We all had our own cars
Then he went 90 miles an hour, we all got speeding tickets
I have a photograph on my license taken out of focus on purpose
So when the police do stop me, they go
"Here, you can go"