Gourmet Restaurant Songtext
von Ray Stevens

Well, I went to the Chez Paris
The food was good there, I′d been told
They said I should try some of that there Vichyssoise
But when they brought it, it was cold
I said, "Don't you just have some tomato soup?"
And he said, "The gazpacho is awfully nice"
I said, "Well, bring me a big bowl of that"
And he did, and dad blame if it wasn′t cold as ice

Oh, you can have those high-priced gourmet restaurants
Yeah, the waiters act snooty and walk kind of fruity
And they won't bring you what you want
I like greens, and cornbread and beans, and a big ol' glass of iced tea
I tell you, friends, those gourmet restaurants ain′t for me


Well, a few months later, some friends insisted we try out the Château Larieux
After waiting an hour and a half, we finally sat down
And heck, I couldn′t even read the menu
So I asked the waiter, "How's the beef?"
He said, "Ze steak tartar is ze best you ever had"
But when he brought it, friends, I thought I′d seen rare meat
But this wasn't even hurt real bad

A couple band-aids and that boy′d been back out there grazing

Well, I just couldn't eat that steak tartar, I was confused in every way
I wasn′t even too sure about the soup du jour, I hear they change that every day
And then the waiter said, "Monsieur, I have frogs legs that are guaranteed to please"
I said, "Well, hooray boy, hop on back there in the kitchen and bring me a grilled cheese!"

Yeah, you can have those high-priced gourmet restaurants
The waiters act snooty and walk kind of fruity
And they won't bring you what you want
And I like greens, and cornbread and beans, and a big ol' glass of iced tea
I tell you, friends, those gourmet restaurants ain′t for me

Well, they said I ought to at least try out some of their wonderful desserts
I hadn′t been able to eat anything else, so I figured, "Heck, what could it hurt?"
I thought I'd like a little ice cream, and the waiter said if that was my desire
"Ze Cherries Jubilee is magnifique"
But when he brought it, heck, it was still on fire


And I jumped up and throwed a bowl of that cold potater soup
On it before it could set off the sprinkler system
Probably saved ′em from a major fire, but did they appreciate it?
Eh, asked me not to never come back
No need to worry about that

You can have those high-priced gourmet restaurants
Yeah, the waiters act snooty and walk kind of fruity
And they won't bring you what you want
I like greens, and cornbread and beans, and a big ol′ glass of iced tea
I tell you, friends, those gourmet restaurants ain't for me

They said the food at that place was fit for a king
And they were right, here king, here boy

Beef tournedos, now what′s that?
Steak that's been run over by an Oldsmobile?
Now I can understand chocolate eggs, and chocolate bunny rabbits
But a chocolate moose? Ain't never gonna get jumpin′
Seem like alI it takes to qualify for gourmet food
Is need to be eatin′ raw frog