Flip-Flops Songtext
von Ralphie May

So that′s something I love
I don't mean to go negative, but here′s something I hate
It's an epidemic

It's sweeping the nation
And I feel it my duty to point it out
So hopefully we can stop this tide before it overwhelms us

I hate dudes who wear flip flops
I′m sick and tired of it
Enough
I think if you′re a grown ass man wearing flip flops
I think you're a damn half a homo
Yeah, you heard me

I said it
What?
Yep
You′re wearing flippin' women′s shoes
Why don't you put on some jellies, bitch?
Why don′t you wear this?


You abracambian bitch
What the hell is going on here?
Enough
Gentlemen, do you know why women get to wear open-toed shoes and you do not?

It's because they take care of their feet, okay?
You nasty rat bastards, half you guys in here
Your toenails are all yellow and thick look like dip-sized Fritos

Oh
Oh
Oh
All calloused up on the sides, look like you're wearing turkey jerky socks
Oh
Trying to eat over here, damn it
Oh

Plus, you′re worthless as a man when you′re wearing flip flops
Worthless
What are you going to do?
Leave here tonight, go to a good bar?
What are you going to do when some drunk comes up and grabs your woman by the hooch?


Oh, yeah, girls, that happens
Because I've done it
What are you going to do?
Protect your woman′s honor in a pair of damn flip flops
Get away from her
Let's go outside
Flip flop, flip flop

Flip flop, flip flop, flip flop, flip flop.m
I′m serious
I mean it
You're worthless

What are you going to do?
You′re walking down the street at night
You see a house on fire, a little baby girl up in the top screaming, help, help

I'm sorry, little girl, I can't help you
I′m wearing flip-flops
Stop driving wrong, little girl
Stop driving wrong

I ain′t doling with who can't wear them
Where the black guys at?
Where y′all at?
Smile
I can't see you

Where you at, black guys?
Oh, now y′all mad in the back, ain't you?
Screw you, fat man
Find me now
I bet if I was a hot dog, you′d find my ass, wouldn't you?

I like hot dogs
I ain't mad at you
I′m just trying to make a point
Brothers can′t wear flip flops, can you homies?
No, because your feet get too ashy, right?
Look how you've been throwing sidekicks at volcanoes all day, right?

And you put enough cocoa butter on there to counteract all the ashyness
Your feet gets a damn slippery
Slip off your flip flops
Like, ain′t this a bitch?

I done flipped out of my damn flip flops, mother
I'm the same way
I′m a fat man
There's fat guys in here
You know who y′all are
Fatties, we can't wear them neither, can we?

We build up too much torque, rip our big toe right the hell off
Oh, you son of a bitch
People ask me all the time
Hey, Ralphie, aren't you nervous that some guy wearing flip flops is gonna get mad at you?

No, we covered that
They′re half of homos
I said that last fall
Guy took off a flip flop and threw it at me

And I′m like, bro, you're proving my point
That′s a bitch move
What the hell are you doing?
Right?
Only a woman would do that
What the hell is that?

And he missed!
How the hell do you miss me?
Not like a
Woah, flip flop