Boobs Songtext
von Ralphie May

I got in trouble, this was a couple years ago, I got in trouble for being too honest
What happened, we used to live in an apartment complex in Los Angeles and the manager was
Miss January 1999. Yeah, she was hot
I don′t know her real name, I just called her boobs
And my wife caught me looking at 'em
She should have known I was going to look at him, I called her boobs
She′s awesome

Fellas, she has the type of breasts that you just look at and you go, "Ah."
They're awesome
And that's saying something, girls
I′m not just being sexist, man, up here
Okay, look, I got a set of titties, alright? I can be honest with you, okay?
I know what I′m talking about, alright? I'm not dazzled by a C cup
You gotta come with some titties, okay? To get me these boobs


What happened was, my wife wanted me to walk with her over to drop a check off, right?
Anything to get me walking
And uh, she′s like, "Uh, honey, come on, let's go drive this check out"
Bloop, bloop, alright, let′s go
Halfway over there, I go, "Oh my God, we get to see boob's boobs! This is gonna be awesome!"
Crap
What I did, for those of y′all who don't understand
I just ruled out any chance of getting to see boob's boobs because
I just made my woman aware that I was going to be looking at another woman′s chest
Yeah, not good

So I went in there and I had to look from the neck up
First time ever, I′m like, wow, you got eyes, who knew?
I had no idea folks, none at all
Okay, she could have had a third arm growing out of her head
I would not have noticed the third arm
Unless it came down and tweaked a nipple
Okay, that's the only way I would have known, swear to God

So I′m looking at her right and I'm, I′m, wow, you're blonde
Interesting. And I had to sneeze, and I had to sneeze up, because if I sneeze down, my woman knows I′m a sneaky bastard like that
I'll look and check out her boobs on the way up from the sneeze
Okay? Come on, I'm a professional, alright?
That′s why I had to sneeze up
It was like, "Hushoo!" Oh, God, that hurts
Don′t ever do that, it hurts


And so I made it through, I made it through, okay?
I did so good, I made it through
We're leaving
Now let me tell you something about my wife, okay?
As well as being my wife, she′s also a fellow comedian
And we travel together all the time, okay?
So we're together all day long, okay?
And a lot of guys that be a drag, not me
I love my wife

She′s not only my lover, she's also my best friend
Now sometimes we have conversations like lovers
Other times we have conversations like best friends
I thought we were having a best friend conversation

Uh uh. She was like, "Do you think boobs is hot?"
Oh my God! Are you kidding me?
That chick is so hot I′d bang her on top of you! Ah ha ha ha!
I really just messed up didn't I? Yes you son of a bitch you did!
I'm going shopping with your card, son of a bitch, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it