Couture Songtext
von Ralphie May

Fellas, tip number three, all right, four, we′re up to four
Don't allow the woman to go shopping mad
That′s not good, okay?
Bad things happen, okay?
I learned this
She came back with 12 big brown bags, okay?
And that's what it said on it, big brown bag, all right?
That's not good, all right? Okay?

And she got something called Marc Jacobs skirts
Do you know who Marc Jacobs is?
He′s a damn ′nother man trader
That son of a bitch, okay
He is, he's a man trader
I′m gonna get that son of a bitch killed
What, what?


Because he makes kryptonite for women, okay?
They are powerless against the allure of Marc Jacobs' clothes
Especially the miniskirts
My wife got seven of them
They cost like 350 a piece
Yeah! Yeah!

Now look, look at this shirt that I′m wearing, okay?
I got this shirt at the fat guy's store, okay?
They call her the big and tall
I′ve never seen no tall dudes there
It's a fat guy store, okay?
Look how much fabric I got
19 .99
I measured it, three mini skirts right here
Three
That son of a bitch makes one for $350

When I told you I'm gonna get him killed, I′ve got a plan
I′m not gonna do it, I'm gonna facilitate it
Here′s what I'm gonna do
I think I can get away with this, okay?
I watch a lot of Law and Order
I think I know what′s up


Nobody puts baby in the corner
You know what I'm saying? Okay
Alright
What I′m gonna do is I'm gonna instigate him getting killed
What I'm gonna do is
I′m gonna wait for him to pass some gangbangers in New York
How long do you have to wait there? Come on, be honest

I′ll follow him around
I'll wait ′til he passes up some gangbangers
And yell a bunch of racial stuff and get him killed
I'm gon′ be like
"What? Why do you call them niggas? What the fuck is this?
Are y'all gon′ put up with that? Him calling y'all niggas?
Are y'all gon′ put up with that? I wouldn′t put up with that
Here, here's a big bag of guns and knives"

I think it′ll work
Anyway, my wife keeps on pulling clothes out, okay?
She got uh seven skirts, she got uh boots from Cole Haan
She got uh shoes from Chanel, she got all this stuff
She got sweaters
She got uh tank tops, long sleeve, short sleeve

Oh, something called couture
And guys, if you don't know what that means, good for you
I wish I didn′t know what that meant
You know what couture means? Add another thousand
That's how much it′s going to cost you, add another thousand
Anyway, she's pulling this crap out of these bags
Like she's a magician in a crappy carnival

And I′m like, "Uh, uhm, honey"
Uhm, I think I asked a legitimate question
"Baby, how much you spend?"
Without missing a beat, did not miss a beat
5,200

Okay, now in my mind, I′m thinking, "I gotta kill this bitch"
I'm like, "5,200? Are you out of your mind?
That′s more than my first three cars combined, bitch
I gotta kill this bitch
5,200"
No, I'm not gonna kill her
I′m gon' choke her out
Then I′m gonna wait for her to come back too
And then I'm gonna choke her out again

Now that's what I was thinking
But because I′d rather be happy than right
I go, "Whoo, 5,200
Thank God you got some of that on sale
I bet you saved me six or seven hundred dollars
Getting some of that on sale
Whoo, lucky me"

I knew my place because I′m married above my level
I let it go
Alright, ladies, all that was for you, okay?
Hopefully it'll make your life simpler, okay?