Red Peppers Songtext
von Noël Coward
Red Peppers Songtext
Ladies and gentlemen
With your very kind indulgence
My wife and myself will present to you
Our famous nautical extravaganza
Thank you, Bert, there, today
What′s to be done with the drunken sailors?
So the saying goes
We're not type for a ninety-two brighter
It′s got, I don't suppose
We lost our way and we lost our pay
And to make the thing complete
We've been and gone and lost the bloomin′ fleet
Has anybody seen our ship, the HMS Peculiar?
We′ve been on shore for a month or more
When we see the captain, we shall get what for
Heave ho, me hearties, sing glory hallelujah
A lady bold as she could be
Pinched her whistles at the golden quay
Now we're in between the devil and the deep blue sea
Has anybody seen our ship?
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
Shut up, shut up, shut up
Here, Jack, who was that lady I saw you
Walking down the street with the other day?
That was no lady, that was my wife
Wait for it, wait for it, better to come, better to come
Here, why did you leave school?
Why′d I leave school, Jack?
Yeah?
Appendicitis
What'd you mean, appendicitis?
Ha, couldn′t spell it
Oh, dear, oh, dear
Oh, isn't that pretty, ah
It′ll never get well if you pick it
Oh
That'll go better, second house
Here, Jack, where was you last night?
Where was I last night?
Where was you last night?
Cemetery
Oh, blimey, anybody dead?
All of 'em, hey!
Shut up, shh, shut up, shh, for a minute
I got a little riddle to ask you
You got a little riddle to ask me, Jack?
Why is getting up at six o′clock in the morning like a pig′s tail?
I don't know, Jack, why is getting up at six
O′clock in the morning like a pig's tail?
Twirly
Oh, dear, oh, dear
Now, now, now, now, now, what′s to, what's to?
Here, Jack
What?
I′ve been, uh, I've been very worried about you lately
Pourquoi? French
I heard you had 'ead anoids
You heard I had ′ead anoids?
I heard you had ′ead anoids
Oh, don't speak of it, oh, don′t speak of it
Why not?
'Ead anoids me
Oh, what′s to be done with the girls on shore
Who lead our tars astray?
What's to be done with the drinks galore
That make ′em pass away?
We got quite ears from our first five beers
After that, we lost control
And now we find we're up the blinkin' pole
Has anybody seen our ship, the HMS Disgusting?
We′ve three guns aft and another one ′fore
They promise us a funnel for the next World War
Heave ho, me hearties, the quarterdeck needs dustin'
We had a binge last Christmas, yeah
A nice plum pudding and a round of beer
But the captain pulled his cracker and we cried, "Oh, dear"
Has anybody seen our ship?
Has anybody seen our ship, the HMS Suggestive? Oh
She sailed away across the bay
And we haven′t had a smell of her since New Year's Day
Heave ho, me hearties, we′re getting rather restive
We pooled our money, spent the lot
The world forgetted by the world forgot
Now we haven't got a penny for the you-know-what
Has anybody seen our, anybody seen our, anybody seen our ship?
Now then
Now then what?
Now then what?
I don′t know what you're talkin' about
Oh, you don′t, don′t you?
No, I don't, so shut up
I s′pose you don't know you mucked up the exit
Wasn′t my fault
Whose fault was it, then? Mussolini's?
Oh, funny, eh?
I s′pose you didn't drop your prop, did you?
And having dropped it, you didn't have to go back for it, did you?
Leavin′ me to prance off all by myself
Who d′you think you are, Rebler?
Never mind about that, the exit was too quick
Same as what it's always been
It′s too quick, I tell you, it's been too quick the whole week
The whole number′s too quick
Bert Bentley takes that number at exactly
The same tempo as he's always done
Oh, you and your Bert Bentley
Just because he sends your Welsh rabbit at
The Queen′s, you think he's God Almighty
Bert Bentley's one of the finest conductors in the north of England
And don′t you make any mistake about it
Finest conductor, my foot
I s′pose he thinks it's funny to see us leapin′ up and down the stage
Like a couple of greyhounds
If you're a greyhound, I′m Fred Astaire
Oh, you're Fred Astaire, all right
With a bit of pavlova thrown in
You′re wonderful, you are
There isn't anything you can't do
Except behave yourself like a gentleman
Oh, so you expect me to behave myself like a gentleman?
That′s a good one comin′ from you, I will say
Oh, shut up, you make me tired
I make you, I make you tired?
I s'pose it was me mucked up the exit
I s′pose it was me dropped me blasted telescope
Now, look here, look here, George Pepper
Will you stop George Pepperin' me?
Why can′t you admit it when you're in the wrong?
You mucked up the exit, nobody else did, you did it
Well, what if I did? It was an accident, I didn′t do it on purpose
Lily, it doesn't matter how you did it or why you did it, you did it
Oh, all right, I did it
Well, don't do it again
What′s on, ducks?
Mabel Grace, she′s nearly finished
Oh, she's been finished for years, as far as I′m concerned
What's the matter with Mabel Grace?
Oh, ask the public, dear, that′s all, just ask the public
Mabel Grace is an artist and don't you forget it
She may be a bit long in the tooth now
But she′s a bigger star than you'll ever be, so there
Oh, you make me sick
Sucking up to the top liners
Who sucks up to the top liners?
You do, look at Irene Baker
What's the matter with Irene Baker?
Well, when last heard from, she was falling down drunk
At the Empire Hartlepool
That′s a dirty lie
Irene never touches the dock till after the show and well you know it
Irene
It was Miss Baker this and Miss Baker that the last time you saw her
That′s all you know
Oh, trying to make me think you've got off with her, eh?
Oh, what a charm
If a day ever dawns when you can time
Your laughs like Irene Baker does
I′ll give you a nice red apple
Fat lot of laughs I get when you write the gags
If you're dissatisfied with your material
You know what you can do with it
Yeah, I know what I′d like to do with it
Can't even do a straight walk-off without muckin′ it up
Oh, we're back again at that, are we?
Yes, we are, so there
Here, I'm sick of you and the old act, it′s lousy anyway
The act was good enough for my mum and dad
It′s good enough for you
Yeah, well, things have changed, you know
A bit since your mum and dad's day
There′s electric light now and telephones
A little invention called the moving pictures
I mean, nobody wants to see the red peppers for three bob
When they can have Garbo for ninepence
That's just where you′re wrong, see?
We're flesh and blood, we are
The public would rather see flesh and
Blood any day than a cheesy photograph
We are two chaps who find it thrilling
To do the kidding
We′re always willing
To give the girls a treat
Or just a drink at the Ritz
Call it double or quits
For then we find
The world is at our feet
Top hats, white spats
Look divine on us
Bows the chain on us
Gets a lane on us
When we come your way
Dad, eleven o'clock
Let's pop into the truck
Ere we start the business of the day
As we stroll down Piccadilly
In the bright morning air
All the girls turn and stare
For we′re so nonchalant
And frightfully debonair
As we chat tea with Miss Maud or Lily
You should see the way their boyfriends frown
For they know without a doubt
That their luck′s right out
When they see a couple of men about town
As we stroll down Piccadilly
All the girls say, "Who's here?"
Put your heads to rest, my dear
For it′s Marmaduke
And Perceval the bear
As we doff hats, each pretty filly
Gives a wink at us and then looks down
For they long with all their might
For a red hot night
When they see a couple of men about town
With your very kind indulgence
My wife and myself will present to you
Our famous nautical extravaganza
Thank you, Bert, there, today
What′s to be done with the drunken sailors?
So the saying goes
We're not type for a ninety-two brighter
It′s got, I don't suppose
We lost our way and we lost our pay
And to make the thing complete
We've been and gone and lost the bloomin′ fleet
Has anybody seen our ship, the HMS Peculiar?
We′ve been on shore for a month or more
When we see the captain, we shall get what for
Heave ho, me hearties, sing glory hallelujah
A lady bold as she could be
Pinched her whistles at the golden quay
Now we're in between the devil and the deep blue sea
Has anybody seen our ship?
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
Shut up, shut up, shut up
Here, Jack, who was that lady I saw you
Walking down the street with the other day?
That was no lady, that was my wife
Wait for it, wait for it, better to come, better to come
Here, why did you leave school?
Why′d I leave school, Jack?
Yeah?
Appendicitis
What'd you mean, appendicitis?
Ha, couldn′t spell it
Oh, dear, oh, dear
Oh, isn't that pretty, ah
It′ll never get well if you pick it
Oh
That'll go better, second house
Here, Jack, where was you last night?
Where was I last night?
Where was you last night?
Cemetery
Oh, blimey, anybody dead?
All of 'em, hey!
Shut up, shh, shut up, shh, for a minute
I got a little riddle to ask you
You got a little riddle to ask me, Jack?
Why is getting up at six o′clock in the morning like a pig′s tail?
I don't know, Jack, why is getting up at six
O′clock in the morning like a pig's tail?
Twirly
Oh, dear, oh, dear
Now, now, now, now, now, what′s to, what's to?
Here, Jack
What?
I′ve been, uh, I've been very worried about you lately
Pourquoi? French
I heard you had 'ead anoids
You heard I had ′ead anoids?
I heard you had ′ead anoids
Oh, don't speak of it, oh, don′t speak of it
Why not?
'Ead anoids me
Oh, what′s to be done with the girls on shore
Who lead our tars astray?
What's to be done with the drinks galore
That make ′em pass away?
We got quite ears from our first five beers
After that, we lost control
And now we find we're up the blinkin' pole
Has anybody seen our ship, the HMS Disgusting?
We′ve three guns aft and another one ′fore
They promise us a funnel for the next World War
Heave ho, me hearties, the quarterdeck needs dustin'
We had a binge last Christmas, yeah
A nice plum pudding and a round of beer
But the captain pulled his cracker and we cried, "Oh, dear"
Has anybody seen our ship?
Has anybody seen our ship, the HMS Suggestive? Oh
She sailed away across the bay
And we haven′t had a smell of her since New Year's Day
Heave ho, me hearties, we′re getting rather restive
We pooled our money, spent the lot
The world forgetted by the world forgot
Now we haven't got a penny for the you-know-what
Has anybody seen our, anybody seen our, anybody seen our ship?
Now then
Now then what?
Now then what?
I don′t know what you're talkin' about
Oh, you don′t, don′t you?
No, I don't, so shut up
I s′pose you don't know you mucked up the exit
Wasn′t my fault
Whose fault was it, then? Mussolini's?
Oh, funny, eh?
I s′pose you didn't drop your prop, did you?
And having dropped it, you didn't have to go back for it, did you?
Leavin′ me to prance off all by myself
Who d′you think you are, Rebler?
Never mind about that, the exit was too quick
Same as what it's always been
It′s too quick, I tell you, it's been too quick the whole week
The whole number′s too quick
Bert Bentley takes that number at exactly
The same tempo as he's always done
Oh, you and your Bert Bentley
Just because he sends your Welsh rabbit at
The Queen′s, you think he's God Almighty
Bert Bentley's one of the finest conductors in the north of England
And don′t you make any mistake about it
Finest conductor, my foot
I s′pose he thinks it's funny to see us leapin′ up and down the stage
Like a couple of greyhounds
If you're a greyhound, I′m Fred Astaire
Oh, you're Fred Astaire, all right
With a bit of pavlova thrown in
You′re wonderful, you are
There isn't anything you can't do
Except behave yourself like a gentleman
Oh, so you expect me to behave myself like a gentleman?
That′s a good one comin′ from you, I will say
Oh, shut up, you make me tired
I make you, I make you tired?
I s'pose it was me mucked up the exit
I s′pose it was me dropped me blasted telescope
Now, look here, look here, George Pepper
Will you stop George Pepperin' me?
Why can′t you admit it when you're in the wrong?
You mucked up the exit, nobody else did, you did it
Well, what if I did? It was an accident, I didn′t do it on purpose
Lily, it doesn't matter how you did it or why you did it, you did it
Oh, all right, I did it
Well, don't do it again
What′s on, ducks?
Mabel Grace, she′s nearly finished
Oh, she's been finished for years, as far as I′m concerned
What's the matter with Mabel Grace?
Oh, ask the public, dear, that′s all, just ask the public
Mabel Grace is an artist and don't you forget it
She may be a bit long in the tooth now
But she′s a bigger star than you'll ever be, so there
Oh, you make me sick
Sucking up to the top liners
Who sucks up to the top liners?
You do, look at Irene Baker
What's the matter with Irene Baker?
Well, when last heard from, she was falling down drunk
At the Empire Hartlepool
That′s a dirty lie
Irene never touches the dock till after the show and well you know it
Irene
It was Miss Baker this and Miss Baker that the last time you saw her
That′s all you know
Oh, trying to make me think you've got off with her, eh?
Oh, what a charm
If a day ever dawns when you can time
Your laughs like Irene Baker does
I′ll give you a nice red apple
Fat lot of laughs I get when you write the gags
If you're dissatisfied with your material
You know what you can do with it
Yeah, I know what I′d like to do with it
Can't even do a straight walk-off without muckin′ it up
Oh, we're back again at that, are we?
Yes, we are, so there
Here, I'm sick of you and the old act, it′s lousy anyway
The act was good enough for my mum and dad
It′s good enough for you
Yeah, well, things have changed, you know
A bit since your mum and dad's day
There′s electric light now and telephones
A little invention called the moving pictures
I mean, nobody wants to see the red peppers for three bob
When they can have Garbo for ninepence
That's just where you′re wrong, see?
We're flesh and blood, we are
The public would rather see flesh and
Blood any day than a cheesy photograph
We are two chaps who find it thrilling
To do the kidding
We′re always willing
To give the girls a treat
Or just a drink at the Ritz
Call it double or quits
For then we find
The world is at our feet
Top hats, white spats
Look divine on us
Bows the chain on us
Gets a lane on us
When we come your way
Dad, eleven o'clock
Let's pop into the truck
Ere we start the business of the day
As we stroll down Piccadilly
In the bright morning air
All the girls turn and stare
For we′re so nonchalant
And frightfully debonair
As we chat tea with Miss Maud or Lily
You should see the way their boyfriends frown
For they know without a doubt
That their luck′s right out
When they see a couple of men about town
As we stroll down Piccadilly
All the girls say, "Who's here?"
Put your heads to rest, my dear
For it′s Marmaduke
And Perceval the bear
As we doff hats, each pretty filly
Gives a wink at us and then looks down
For they long with all their might
For a red hot night
When they see a couple of men about town
Writer(s): Noel Coward Lyrics powered by www.musixmatch.com
