Soda Pop Songtext
von Mitch Hedberg

Anyone here watch ESPN Classic? Yeah, I did. I saw a baseball game on
There. The guy hit a foul ball. Fucking classic, man. I wanna have
A show that′s called "Where Are They Now?" but it's about people who
Are really easy to find. Jay Leno, where are they now? Still in
Burbank. Man, remember that movie The Outsiders and one of the guys′
Name was Sodapop and at the time it was cool? It's not cool right
Now. If your nickname was Sodapop, you would be dead. Alright, that
Goes out to the old timers. I told the crowd last night to fuck off
But then I felt bad, so I said "Alright, fuck back on." I re-invited
'Em. I collect stamps. The easiest way to collect stamps is to not
Mail shit. "How′s the stamp collection going?" "Pretty good, ever
Since I stopped corresponding with you." You know, batteries make
Shit seem substantial, don′t you think? If you take the batteries
Out of a radio, it's like "This thing′s a piece of shit, actually


" Then you put the batteries back in, it's like "Oh, yeah. That
Has got the weight I need. It′s all electronics." No, it ain't
It′s fuckin' batteries. That thing's a plastic piece of shit with
One wire that goes to the battery to the operation board. I know
I don′t know what I was singing there either. It′s a new song
Baby. It's called "Operation Board." I never had a piggy bank
But one time I had some bacon that tasted an awful lot like change
Come on, fuckers, I wanna walk off this stage feeling pride. I′m
Selling t-shirts after the show, they don't have my name on ′em
They're just Hanes three packs. I was at a restaurant, I saw a guy
Wearing a leather jacket at the same time he was eating a hamburger
And drinking a glass of milk. I said "Dude, you are a cow. The
Metamorphosis is complete. Don′t fall asleep, I will tip you over."
Alright, thanks a lot. Have a good time, alright, man? Thank you