Oatmeal Songtext
von Mitch Hedberg

I wake up in the morning, make myself a bowl of instant oatmeal, then
I don′t do shit for an hour. Makes me wonder why I need the instant
Oatmeal. I could get the regular oatmeal and feel productive. What
Are you gonna do? Make oatmeal. You know it. Spaghetti. I can't eat
Spaghetti, there′s too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1
000 Of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodle
Fettuccine alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults. I like cinnamon
Rolls, that's why I wish they made a cinnamon roll incense, cause I
Don′t always have time to make a pan. Perhaps I′d rather light a
Stick than have my roommates wake up with false hopes. I'm gonna take


The money that I made from this gig and buy a Dr. Pepper belt buckle
It′s for sale at the Allen Park Inn, 25 dollars. It's an antique. It
Was the only one they made of it, I believe. No one ever bought it
So now it′s an antique. They're trying to hide the fact that no one
Ever bought it. It′s an antique now. Alright. I will have it then

I did a radio interview. The DJ's first question was "Who are you?"
I had to think, "Is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong
Station?" I had a bag of Fritos. They were Texas grill Fritos. These
Fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah, reminds me of summer. When
We used to fire up the barbecue and throw down on some Fritos. I can
Still see my dad with the apron on. "Better flip that Frito, dad
You know how I like it." With grill marks. People ask me for

My autograph after the show. I'm not famous, I think they′re
Fucking with me. They′re trying to make me late for something
If I wanted to sign that autograph, I'd be here. Velcro wallet
I already talked about. Suitcase that I handcuffed to my
Arm, I already talked about. I gotta get me one of those
Going, though. That′d be the coolest thing ever. Alright