Still Here Songtext
von LethalCulture

Every day is a battle in silence
But I′m still here
Not for me, for them

It's 4 a.m., my body feels like lead
Another night alone, thoughts racing in my head
I stare at the ceiling like it might talk back
Wondering if today′s the day I finally crack
When I get up, robotic, no soul
Shard running but my heart's still cold

Clock in, fake talk, pretend I'm okay
But I don′t even the last time I felt that way
My phone don′t ring unless someone needs
Know how you holding up, just want
Just please, my siblings, Venice like ghosts in the rain
Only hear me yell, but they need something again

And I give even when I'm running low
′Cause that's how I was raised, never let it show
But inside I′m screaming, can't find peace
Even God feels distant like a year late


Don′t know where I went wrong
But I've been lost for way too long
Every smile's just pain on pain
I fake it all just to look sane

Sometimes I′m just afraid, but it sides
To take me, I′m too high to ride up to the ride
But I keep fighting through the flame
For cradling in Xavier's name

Yeah
I hate being alone, but I needed space
I crave connection, but I push away
I miss what I never really had
Maybe love, maybe family, maybe mom and dad

I got trauma like chains ′round my chest
Years of abuse that I still cannot test
Try to breathe, but the past don't sleep
It just waits in the dark when the silence is deep

I′ve screamed in the pillows
I've broken glass
I′ve written goodbye notes I never passed
I've stood on ledges with tears in my throat
Hoping fate would just give me the vote
Not 'cause I wanna die, I just want peace


I just want the damn pain to finally cease
But the guilt kills me more than the thought itself
What if they grow thinking it was their fault I left

Don′t know where I went wrong
But I′ve been known for far too long
I wear this mask like it's my skin
And know one knows the war within

Sometimes I wish that fate didn′t decide
To take me out so I don't have to lie
But I keep pushing through the flame
For cradling in Xavier′s name

Cradling, you save me without even knowing
Xavier, you're the only light that′s still glowing
Your laugh is a lifeline, your hug is the cure
When nothing else feels real, your love is pure

I see your faces in the dark when I'm breaking
Your voices in my head say, keep awakening
I'm not much the man with flaws
But for you, I walk through hell without a pause

Even when I feel like a lost cause
Even when life got me under its claws
Even when the mirror says I′m not enough
I fight, I bleed, I keep getting up
I′d rather die a fighter than die a ghost
So I choke down pain, I hold too close
I'm not strong, I′m just doing what I gotta
'Cause you′re my wife, my son and my daughter

And if I go quiet, don't mean I′m fine
Sometimes I just need to silence my mind
Don't ask me to smile, don't ask me to speak
Just sit in the silence, that′s all I need
I ain′t looking for pity, I ain't playing the game
I just want someone to meet it when they say my name

So if I die, let them know the truth
I gave all I had for the love of my youth
I gave every breath for my baby′s name
Fought every demon and never laid blame
But I'm still here with the tears I hide
Still clocking in when I′m dead inside
Still smiling through pain, they'll never know
But I′m still hoping one day the storm let's go
I ain't proud of my thoughts but I own them all
I ain′t scared of death, I just don′t want to fall in a memory

You're to blame, you′re to shame
So I stay here, I keep playing this game
Not for me, not for love, not for peace
But my two little hearts do depend on me (me, me, me, me)

Don't know where I went
Don′t know where I went wrong
But I've been fighting way too long
Every smile′s a broken frame
I fake it all, still feel the same

Some nights I wish fate makes the call
So I don't have to have it all
But I keep walking through the flame
For cradling in Xavier's name

Still here
Still trying
Still broken
But surviving