Trying His Best Songtext
von John Mulaney

Now when people make fun of me, I deserve it, uh, I do
When people get mad at me now, it′s my fault
When people get mad at me on the highway, that's all my bad
I′m a terrible driver, I know nothing about cars
I meant to learn about cars, and then I forgot
Nothing that I know can help you with your car ever
Unless you're like, "Hey, I've got a flat tire
Does anyone here know a lot about the Cosby Show?"
And then they′ll be like, "Oh, perhaps I can be of some assistance!"
I′m one of the worst drivers I've ever seen, and I just want you
All to know that, if you′re ever on the highway behind me, uh, I hear
You honking, and I also don't want me to be doing what I′m doing
I don't like that I′m in that lane either And I sure would like to get out of it
I was on the highway in Texas recently, which was
Like a highway filled with thirteen year olds
And I was in the far left lane, and I was going in the far left lane
And then it turned into a U-turn only lane, and I started to make a
U-turn but then I panicked because I didn't want to make a U-turn, so
I put the car in reverse and then merged right back onto the highway
The best thing about that was that after that, cars were
Pulling up and looking over to see who just did that piece
Of shit move, expecting to see like, a hundred year old
Blind dog who's texting while driving and drinking a smoothie
Instead they see a twenty-eight year old healthy man trying his best