Easy Not to Do Things Songtext
von John Mulaney

Thank you for coming to this show, by the way
I really do appreciate you coming to a thing
Because you didn′t have to
And it's really easy not to go to things

It is so much easier not to do things than to do them
That you would do anything is totally remarkable
Percentage wise
It is one hundred percent easier not to do things than to do them

And so much fun not to do them
Especially when you were supposed to do them
In terms of like, instant relief
Canceling plans is like heroin
It is an amazing feeling
Such instant joy


Kids don′t like that
Kids always wanna do stuff
Kids get angry, they go
"Oh, we didn't do anything all day!"
You ever ask an adult what they did over the weekend
And they say they didn't do anything?
Their faces light up

You′re like, "What′d you do this weekend?"
"I, um... I did nothing, I did nothing at all
Did we do anything?
No, I didn't do anything"

People especially don′t wanna do their jobs
I've, I′ve found that out recently too
I have a friend named Megan
She's an elementary school teacher
And I was out with her one night
And she was drinking like a monster

And I said to her
"Don′t you have to do a shift at school tomorrow?"
And she went, "Ahh, I'll just show a video"
And I was like, "That's why teachers show videos?"

She said this, she goes
"Yeah, I don′t wanna work"
And I was like, "You know, the kids don′t wanna work either"
And she was like, "Good!"