Down By the Riverside Songtext
von Ivor Biggun

I had a large explosive shit
Down by the riverside
It spread both far and wide
It filled my heart with pride
I shit till my arsehole split
Down by the riverside
The fish and the tadpoles died

I ain′t a-gonna swim in there no more
Ain't a-gonna swim in there no more
′Cause it don't smell the way it smelt before
It smells like a badger's bum
It smells just like Birmingham
Or maybe an Egyptian shithouse door


I wiped my arse with leaves and grass
Down by the riverside
Up and down and side to side
All along the Great Divide
But the effluent set like cement
And though I tried and tried
My rectum could not be rectified

I ain′t a-gonna swim in there no more
Naked women there no more
And it don′t smell the way it smelt before
It smells like a badger's bum
It smells just like Rotherham
Or maybe an Egyptian shithouse door

I fed my turds to aquatic birds
Down by the riverside
They could not quite decide
If they were cyanide
The ducks went ′quack' and flung ′em back
And though I tried to hide
I ended up turdified

I ain't a-gonna swim in there no more
It′s up to the brim in there, I'm sure
And it don't smell the way it smelt before
It smells like a badger′s bum
It smells just like Wimbledon
Or maybe an Egyptian shithouse door


My massive dump made one big clump
Down by the riverside
It drifted with the tide
"Ahoy!", a sailor cried
Could that be shite or the Isle of Wight
I see on my portside
Down by the riverside

I ain′t a-gonna swim in there no more
By that shitty shingle shore
'Cause it don′t smell the way it smelt before
It smells like a badger's bum
It smells just like Birmingham
Or maybe an Egyptian shithouse door

And so does the reservoir