Soft Jazzercise Songtext
von H. Jon Benjamin

Hi, it′s me, John Benjamin. Welcome to the second interlude of the
Album. I figure now that you're a bit settled in, it would be a good
Time to get in a little exercise, because movement is truly the core
Of life. I want to introduce something I developed in the early ′80s
No, the late '70s, that will really get the blood rolling. It's Called "soft jazzercise" and it′s very, very, very, very, very, very
Very low impact, a perfect fit for this jazz vibe I′ve created. So
Take in a big, deep, invigorating breath and fill those precious
Lungs with the healing sprites of the universe. Now, cough it


Out. Okay, let's get started. Slowly raise your right arm
Slower, slower, very, very slow. Much slower. Slow, slow, like
Slow-mo slow. Not past horizontal, slow the movement down. Like
A turtle slow. Like an opiated panda slow. Like a drowsy
Frankenstein. Like Chateantango slow. Not too high, or it could be
Misinterpreted as a "Heil Hitler" gesture. Now bring it down, let
Gravity do the work, like the movie Gravity. Very loose, very limp
Like a whiskey dick. Now rest. And now that concludes your soft
Jazzercise exercise routine. Do this once a day and nap afterwards