Joyce Songtext
von Fascinating Aïda

You′ve clearly come to tell me something really quite unpleasant
I know that shifty look upon your face
If it's about the alimony, then our lawyer should be present
No, you′re telling me there's someone in my place
Do I know her? Oh, I do
Well, are you going to tell me who?
Joyce?
So you're living with Joyce?
I′m a little bit fazed, no, I′m frankly amazed
That you've opted for Joyce
Joyce?
Well, blow me, it′s Joyce
Am I missing the plot?
Because really she's not an obvious choice
So, did it start long ago?
Though I′m out of your life and no longer your wife
I would just like to know
But, though the woman's a slut
If you love her, I guess I must wish you success
And keep my mouth shut


I shan′t say a thing
Now I see the whole damn tawdry story
All spread out in Technicolor glory
Me, I thought that life was hunky-dory
Little did I know that this slippery sly-boots
Was planning on climbing into my bed, my boots
Starting that summer when we all shared a villa
Did I have suspicions? No, not a scintilla
Underneath the Tuscan sun she flirted, ooh
While my mind was otherwise diverted
How her efforts must have been concerted
Going off to look at old ruins together
She's a ruin herself with a face of old leather
All the time pretending to be my chum
Oh my God, was I dumb?
Joyce?
Well, it's cuddly old Joyce
She′s an excellent chef but how can you be deaf
To the sound of her voice?
Joyce?
Well, she′s hardly Rolls Royce
And believe me, I'm loath to imagine you both
Getting sticky and moist
How could you fall for that cow?
You must take her to bed with a bag on her head
Oh, I′m sorry, meow
Right, I'm resorting to spite
You and me had to end and we want to stay friends
So let′s not have a fight
I shan't say a thing
How could such a friend of mine betray me?
That′s what just continues to dismay me
Like a fish she'd play me and she'd play me
Always popping ′round and always being kindly
Of course I fell for it absolutely blindly
Dear old Joyce, so terribly willing
It′s so bloody funny, it's absolutely killing
What possessed me when I let that witch in? Ahh
How′d I know that she would get her pitch in?
Sitting nice and comfy in my kitchen
Ooh, I'd love a cup of coffee, no, I′ll make it myself
I know you keep the mugs on the second shelf
I know where you keep the sugar, I know where you keep the jug
All the time I was the mug
Joyce?
It really is choice
Your new better half, I've just gotta laugh and even rejoice
Joyce?
I can scarcely come voice
I′m feeling so ill, give me a pill, fetch me a noice
What has she possibly got?
She looks like a hag who dresses in drag and is married to Lot
Joyce?
Her name is a coice
In the whole univoice there's nobody woice
And for a hoice she dies tonight, hahahaha
Just in case you missed it, mister, I hate
I can't even bring myself to mention her name
What? What did I say?