Funerals Songtext
von Fascinating Aïda

Eighteenth′s, twenty-first's, weddings, christenings
Milestones rushing past
Anniversaries, then retirement
Life goes by so fast
It′s good to know there will always be an excuse for celebration
And the parties I go to nowadays don't need an invitation

I'm off to a funeral, hippity hip hooray
A person I didn′t know very well has sadly passed away
It′s taking place in Leamington Spa, which is always nice to visit
Well at my time of life it's a pleasant day
Out, that′s not too much to ask now is it?

I'm off to a funeral, a colleague of mine is dead
The woman had bored me for years and
Years, now she′s boring God instead
I'll have to set off early, the journey′s a bit of a swine
But my bag is large and roomy so I can nick a bottle of wine


But oh gosh I don't get out like I used to do
At my age festive occasions are far too few
Last rites give us a chance to fraternise
We'll sing some turgid hymns and then we′ll socialise

I′m off to another funeral, with sandwiches and cake
Catch up with those ghastly cousins of mine, I love a jolly good wake
We'll tell each other "you haven′t changed"
, We'll be lying through our teeth
Donate to the chosen charity, well it′s cheaper than a wreath

We all must die, it's part of God′s grand design
The late lamented had a sad decline
She didn't want to go on, her bedsores were chronic
Make mine a triple Hendrix, just a splash of tonic

It's yet another funeral, someone′s gone to eternal rest
It′s a humanist service, so that'll be dreary
The Catholics do it best
Oh yes it′s sad that what's-her-face has met her timely end
But secretly it′s cheering to think I've outlived another friend

I hear Margery′s poorly, see you soon