Tattoos Songtext
von Dave Attell

Drink it up, people, drink it up

Here′s some drinking tips, never get drunk
When you're wearing a hooded sweatshirt
′Cause you will eventually think there's someone right behind you
Here's something else I′ve learned drunk, there′s no way ever
To talk your way out of wiping your ass on someone's pillow
Even if you yell "surprise"
Own up to it, be a man

You ever black out when you′re drinking, or as I call it, time travel?
Yeah, you're in a bar, you′re drinking, you black out
You wake up, you're in another bar
You′re drinking, you black out
You wake up, you're in McDonald's
Working there about three years, still not assistant manager
You wanna quit but you′re banging that girl on the fryolator
They say she′s retarded but those titties ain't retarded
Oh, I′m sorry, is that an Eminem tune? I don't know


Yeah, you guys are drunk too, this is good
Where are the drunks? Here? Where are they?
How about the potheads? Are the potheads around here?
There you go, we finally meet
The drunks and the potheads, they rarely
Get together except on that show Blind Date

Now I′m a drinker, man, there's only one drink I don′t like, eggnog
How did they think that up?
I wanna get a little drunk but I also want some pancakes
Do you know what eggnog really is?
You're not gonna wanna hear it but I'll tell ya
Elf cum, that′s what it is
You might as well pour it on your back and slap yourself on the ass
But I don′t wanna tell you how to live your
Life, alright? You do what you do, alright?

All the great writers were alcoholics
Am I right? Hemingway, that other guy
Where are the great pothead writers?
I'm sure they′re out there but do you really
Wanna read a whole book by a pothead?
500 pages on why if you put a hat and
Glasses on a dog, it looks like he could drive a truck?
Nobody cares


But I think pot should be legal, I do
And I think if your cousin is super
Hot you should be able to fuck one time

Alright, I took it a little too far, sorry