Freaky Tales Songtext
von Too $hort

These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales that I tell so well

I met this girl, her name was Joan
She loved the way I rocked on the microphone
When I met Joan, I took her home
She was just like a doggy all on my bone
I met another girl, her name was Ann
All she wanted was to freak with a man
When I met Ann, I shook her hand
We ended up freakin′ by a garbage can

The next young freak I met was Red
I took her to the house and she gave me head
She liked to freak is all she said
We jumped in the sheets and we broke my bed
There's another girl, her name is Mary
Talked about sex and the girl acted scary
I heard she was freakin′ for my homeboy Jerry
Took her to the house and I popped that cherry


Young and tender, sweet Denise
Get her in the bed and the girl's a beast
I tell you, homeboy, if you get a piece
She'll only start talking about signin′ the lease
I met this tender, her name was Lori
An x-rated movie wouldn′t tell her story
She had a twin sister, her name was Lisa
And just like Lori, she's a real dick pleaser

My girlfriend′s name was Michelle
Her booty was bigger than a tell on the well
When I freaked Michelle, I freaked her well
Her pussy got hotter than the flames in hell
I geed this girl, her name was Tammy
I didn't wanna do it ′cause the bitch was flammy
She had a best friend, her name was Jane
I pulled her to the side and I spit that game

I met a lot of freaks in my life span
Freaked one night with a girl named Pam
The very next day I saw her with her man
One week passed and I was in her again
I had an old tender, her name's Janie
She was thirty-two and I was only eighteen
She likes to freak, she′s just a fiend
It really didn't matter when I saw her in jeans


I wanna big freak, fat and slobby
I'll kick on back and watch her mouth
Two tons of fun, big mama jama
A country-girl from Alabama
I met this freak, her name was Betty
Her pussy got wet and it smelled like death
I was tired as hell, I was drippin′ sweat
But I was all up in her tryin′ to hold my breath

Bake and shake us, I met this freak in Vegas
She said her name was Donna
She was a filthy little freak from China
I said, "I don't pimp or gigolo
I′m havin' so much money, I don′t need a hoe
You can break yourself but you can't break me
You never met a player like $hort, baby"

I knew a dick sucker named Betty-Jo
Took her to my house and we did it on the floor
The girl got freaky and I′ll tell you more
She was down on her knees beggin' to blow
She's like another freak named Renee
You get her alone and she′ll make your day
Like Burger King, she knows the play
But a freak like Renee, you can have it your way

These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales that I tell so well
These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales that I tell so well

I met this girl, thick as hell
Only sixteen, said her name was Linell
I took her to my house, I could not wait
Her shit was much tighter than a central safe
Let me tell you this since we′re talkin' young
I met another girl, said her name was Yvonne
Always talkin′ about havin' fun
Once again at the pad I had it goin′ on

I'm Sir Too $hort, couldn′t be no punk
I'm tryna get funky like female funk
So when you see me comin' or see me goin′
I keep my money, let the hoes keep throwin′
I once met a hooker, she did it for free
On the foothill bust number forty-three
All the way in the back she was workin' me
Had my big beatbox and I was jammin′ the beat

I met this freak named Antoinette
Macked on baby like an ice-cold vet
Everythin' she had is what I get
′Cause I'm Too $hort, baby, I don′t play that shit
I met another freak, her name was Rita
Baby thought that $hort just might eat her
I told her like this, she can suck my peter
Or even go home 'cause I knew I didn't need her

Scratched her name off my telephone book
Never again, I took a second look
′Cause the next young freak, her name was Sharon
She kept lookin′, well, I kept starin'
Baby came through with my homeboy Darren
Her booty was stuffed in the jeans she was wearin′
She never left, he cut out
I know you all know what I'm talkin′ about

There's a freak named Shannon, such a sinner
She smokes that pipe and she′s gettin' thinner
Shannon is cool but her mind is gone
One fat rock and it's goin′ on
She had another buddy, came by my place
Thick ass bitch, said her name was Grace
She walked in the door workin′ a lace
You shoulda seen that look that was on my face

She's like this tender named Belinda
The homeboys call her Belinda the Blender
She gave head like she made it up
She was twenty years old with a big round butt
Had a girl like olive oil
Her father was rich and the girl was spoiled
When she got mad, her blood would boil
But I wrapped her all up like alluminium foil

These are the tales, the freaky tales
These are the tales that I tell so well

Shake if you like, Friday night, it′s goin' on, Too $hort
Three weeks ago I met this freak
She followed me around like Mary′s sheep
I hid around the corner and when she came
I grabbed her by the arm and I asked her name
She said it was Anita, her man's in Santa Rita
I took her to my house and homeboy, I geed her
Sent her on her way the very next day
Playboy $hort was ready to play

I bumped to this girl, her name′s Rosanne
We hit the motel and had it goin' on
Holiday Inn to the break of dawn
When I took baby home, I freaked her mom
I knew this tender named Cherie
I took her to my house and let her freak on me
Baby was a fan, she loved my beat
But I wouldn't raise my leg and let her kiss my feet

I met this freak named Yolanda
Rolled baby doll like a brand new Honda
I was on top, she was up under
The bed hit the wall and it sounded like thunder
I once had a date with girl named Kitty
She was so fine with her big fat titties
All night long she was actin′ shitty
So I macked on baby like I was Frank Nitti

There′s another girl, her name is Rose
I use to ride baby like brand new Volvos
I never saw Rose wearin' clothes
She′s a pimp house pet, ready to pose
I was ridin' down the street when i met Janet
Her booty was bigger than the whole damn planet
Ass everywhere, I just can′t stand it
Tried to pom it but I could not manage

I had this freak, her name was Bunny
Said I'm the only man who ever called her honey
Everything I did to her was funny
I macked on bunny and I took her money
Eight tonight, a date with Shirley
She was real short and her hair was curly
If you saw baby, you′d like this girlie
She was so fine, I went to get her early

Shirley was freakin' like a girl named Rachel
Her bite was vicious and it sure was fatal
She liked to kiss all on my naval
Those are her lips on top of my label
I knew another freak, her name was Candy
Real big lips and they came in handy
I smooth got worked and it was so dandy
I hooked the broad up with my homeboy Randy

He did me a favor in return
Gave me a lizard, said her name was Laverne
Baby got tossed, then I got on
I grabbed the microphone and started singing my song
My young homeboy heard me rap
And said he had way more freaks than that
So I told him like this, they might be freakin'
But, boy, you never had that TP treatment