Vegetables Songtext
von Tim Slagle

Well, yeah, there might be some PETA people in the room. You know

Those PETA people, they′re awfully sensitive. They see a blind

Homeless man with a seeing eye dog and they go, "Oh, I hope that dog

Eats." And I always hesitate making fun of PETA members and

Vegetarians 'cause you′re not supposed to insult women. Because most
Your vegetarians are, they're women. You see a few pale, anemic
Girlish boys. Nine times out of ten, when you see a man that's a
Vegetarian, he′s fakin′. Yeah, you show me a man that's a vegetarian
I′ll show you someone trying to fuck a vegetarian. Grabbing a Big Mac
On the way home. "Can't believe she bought that shit. Oh, God, I′m
Starved." Yeah, I hesitate doing that joke, too. 'Cause more than
Once I′ll do that joke and there'll be a couple at the table, real
Skinny girl and some guy looking down like this and she's like, "
You told me someone threw those boxes in your car!" And pardon me

If I sound ignorant, but I don′t understand vegetarians. I don′t

Understand what they feed their cats. And they all have cats. It's


Like a prerequisite to vegetarianism is buy a cat. Isn′t that weird

To be a vegetarian and keep a cat? That you're actually saying, "
I don′t think an animal should ever have to suffer so that I could
Eat. But Mr. Mistoffelees loves his giblets. We're gonna kill
Someone for you, yes we are." Some vegetarians realize it′s a little
Weird to be a vegetarian and keep a cat. So, in order to remain
Consistent, they will actually try to turn their cat into a
Vegetarian. That's goofy. Because cats are meat eaters. They're
Predators, they have all pointy teeth. They were put on the face of
This earth for the purpose of eating small birds and rodents. That′s
All they know is meat. All the meat and nothing but the meat. There′s

Actually a scientific term for turning a cat into a vegetarian
I believe it's called starving the fucker. The only time a cat will
Ever eat anything from a plant is when it wants to barf. You make
Your cat a vegetarian, you′re making a bulimic
Kitty, that's what you′re doing. You're having
A barfing, bulimic kitty walking around the house