Don't Let the Bellhops Bite Songtext
von The Stupendium

There′s a cosy little place tucked away
Between the third and fourth circle of hell
Where you can take a break, makes a great vacation
Maybe take in just a little damnation as well

So ring the bell — we're excited to welcome you in
No time here to dwell on your sins
Your itinerary′s fairly heavily perilous, but let me share the various
Amenities you're getting within

If you've got luggage, the staff can take it through
But the baggage that′s emotional, well, that can stay with you
You′ve clearly packed a bag with plans to stay a day or two
But it's pretty optimistic if you think you won′t be strewn

Across the floor, twisted and deformed
Little bits of blood and gore chewed and spit out of the maw
Of a vicious set of jaws in a spiffy uniform
All your sins have a cost, but your death is complimentary, of course


It's just monkey business
But with one key difference
That the one reliving it
Is beyond deliverance
We′ve got one piece hidden in
Deep amongst these remnants
Of our one-time residents
In out little hotel in hell where the bellhops bite

We're afraid to say that the pool is closed
Since the lifeguard started to decompose
Down here, things lurk deep below
So stay clear if you want to keep your toes

Breakfast is served ′til ten
But no one ever wakes up to attend
'Cause if you lay your head on a bed, you'll be too dead for eggs
And you′ll never eat bacon again

Our gymnasium′s stocked with the best utensils
Though you ought to be running without the treadmill
The bar's a haunt with all the spirits you want
They were all the last guests to get killed

We′ve so many amenities, no chance of boredom
We both know you've already seen the ballroom
A little reminder, you′ve a riddle to find or
It is frivolous fighting your doom


It's just monkey business
But with one key difference
That the one reliving it
Is beyond deliverance
We′ve got one piece hidden in
Deep amongst these remnants
Of our one-time residents
In our little hotel in hell where the bellhops bite

Think twice before you use that phone by the bed
Room service will cost you an arm and a leg
And a torso, a stomach, a neck and a head
The menu's sparse, but the staff's well-fed

We′ll provide a device that might help you find the
Shards you′ve been tasked with and hide from the nightmares
But if you try to check the TripAdvisor
You'll likely trip and die, sir
"Five stars! Never a survivor!"

We′re not winding you up, we're not letting you go
Fish the mint from the blood, pooling in the pillows
Checkout is at one — not that you need to know
Pay your tab at the front desk, or death will be slow

We strongly urge that you defer your day′s ablutions
The concierge will start the purge before you're through them
Whilst on your journey on the way to retribution
We hope that you enjoy your stay of execution

It′s just monkey business
But with one key difference
That the one reliving it
Is beyond deliverance
We've got one piece hidden in
Deep amongst these remnants
Of our one-time residents
In our little hotel in hell where the bellhops bite