The First Time Songtext
von The LVRS

I remember the first time I felt this way
The first time I let it happen
The house was silent
The air violent with insecurities and jealousy
We′d been drinking
He'd been drinking
I wasn′t a big drinker back then
Actually, I never really have been
Although I do love a tall Jack and Coke
Tequila always makes me sick


Always makes me choke
He loved tequila
In fact, I think he loved it more than me
As hard to admit as that is
The first time was like an invitation
Because I invited him to do it again
By letting him do it the first time
Between the first time and the last time
There were so many times
I can't really remember

I tried for years to forget
Sometimes you can't help but remember it
All of it
None of it
I remember this letter he wrote me once
A few hours after the first time, or the fifth time
Or one of the many times
It started with "I′m sorry" and ended with "I love you"
I have no idea what was in between
Because it all just seemed like bullshit to me


Begging for forgiveness, sometimes on bended knee
He would swear he would never do it again
He would promise me, and I believed him
Because we always believe them, don′t we?
The tears, the apologies
And then suddenly, as I watched him groveling
I could see, I was now the one with the power
And he was me
I knew what he was doing, what I was doing
But I couldn't help myself

He always had a way with me
And six years is a long time to be with someone
A significant part of your life
Do I regret what I did? Why I did it?
Not really
It had to be done
The last time I saw him
The dark circles that highlighted his Spanish eyes
Looked like holes, and let me truly see how empty he was
He looked so different

Not at all like I remembered him
His skin was worn and he looked used
Tired and even abused
He saw me too
He looked right at me
And in that moment, I wasn′t afraid anymore
I had no reason to be
He was no longer my lover
No longer the cause of all my rage

He was just some guy
Who now plays drums in Queens of the Stone Age