Turnpike Tom Songtext
von Steve Goodman

First time I met ol′ Turnpike Tom
Sittin' in a diner in Bloomington
He said, "Are you goin′ my way?"
He had a sleepin' bag and his hat was torn
And both his thumbs were two feet long
From years of hitchin' on the highway

He said, "Mister, won′t you give me a ride?
I′m a wanted man lookin' for a place to hide"

Oh, we finished the coffee and we got in the car
And we drove off, hadn′t gone far
When Tom began to tell his sad story

He said, "Along around 1942, buddy
I robbed a bank in Kalamazoo
Just to get enough money to marry my true darlin'
But she died when she heard what I had done
Ever since, I′ve been on the run
Standin' on the highway′s a-callin', a-callin'

"Mister, won′t you give me a ride?
I′m a wanted man lookin' for a place to hide"


He said, "Now I′m gettin' old and I′m ready to die
Too tired to run and too sick to try
And soon I'll be hitchin′ upstairs in the skyway", woo!
Oh, play that again

He said, "I can't pay you for the ride
Just once before I die
I'd like to do somebody a favor"
And out of his pocket come a rusty old key
Along with a map and he give ′em to me
And then he said, "Here′s an end to all your labor"

Way down in Greensboro, Tennessee
In the back of Rusty's Roadside Cabaret
There is 20,000 in unmarked green
The money I stole that′s in the machine
That hangs on the wall in Rusty's Roadside Men′s Room

So three nights later at Rusty's door
I drank a beer and then I had one more
Then I headed for the treasure
And just like ol′ Turnpike Tom had said
This machine was under a sign which read
"Sanitary, three for a quarter"


So I took out the key and I broke the lock
And there to my bewilderment and shock
I found a sign which read, "You've just been had
In a sanitary way by Turnpike Tom
The outlaw with the fastest sense of humor"

And if you meet someone with a troubled mind
Well, just give 'em the key and feed ′em the line
And tell ′em his days'll soon be better

Yes and, "Mister, you′ve been taken for a ride
There ain't nothin′ but fool's gold here inside
Oh, the real gold that′s inside us all
Remember that you only fall
For lies and stories when you really want to"