The Auctioneer Songtext
von Steve Goodman

There was a boy in Arkansas
He wouldn′t listen to his Ma
When she told him that he should go to school

He'd sneak away in the afternoon
He′d take a little walk and pretty soon
You'd find him at the local auction barn

He'd sit and listen carefully
Pretty soon he began to see
How the auctioneer could talk so rapidly

He said, "Oh my, it′s do or die
I gotta learn that auction cry
I gotta make my mark and be an auctioneer


Twenty-five dollar bidder now
Thirty dollar thirty
Will you give me thirty, make it thirty
Bid ′em a ball of thirty dollar
Will you give me thirty
Ooh, who'll bid it at a thirty dollar bid
Thirty dollar bidder now
Thirty-five, will you give me thirty-five
Make it thirty-five, thirty, thirty-five
Who will bid it at a thirty-five dollar bid

As time went on he didn′t rest
And everybody saw that he didn't jest
He practiced calling bids both night and day

Papa′d find him out behind the barn
Just a-working up an awful storm
As he tried to imitate the auctioneer

Dad said, "Son, we just can't stand
To have a mediocre man
Selling things at auction, using our good name
I′ll send you off to the auction school
Then you'll be nobody's fool
You can take your place among the best"
Leroy couldn′t think of anything else to rhyme
He only knew two words that went "ool"
He left out "drool", which is what you
Do when you call auctions all night


Thirty-five dollar bidder now
Forty dollar forty
Will you give me forty, make it forty
Bid ′em a ball of forty dollar
Will you give me forty
Ooh, who'll bid it at a forty dollar bid
Forty dollar bidder now
Forty-five, will you give me forty-five
Make it forty-five, thirty, thirty-five
Who will bid it at a forty-five dollar bid

Well, from that boy who went to school
There grew a man who played it cool
He became a full-fledged auctioneer

People′d come from miles around
Just to hear him make the rhythmic sound
That filled their hearts with such a happy tear

His fame spread from shore to shore
He had all he could do and more
He had to buy a plane just to get around
Just to get around
He's the tops in all the land
Let′s pause and give that sucker a hand
He's the best hillbilly auctioneer

Thirty-five dollar bidder now
Forty dollar forty
Will you give me forty, make it forty
Bid ′em a ball of forty dollar
Will you give me forty
Ooh, who'll bid it at a forty dollar bid
Forty dollar bidder now
Forty-five, will you give me forty-five
Make it forty-five, thirty, thirty-five
Who will bid it at a forty-five dollar bid