Big Space Battle Songtext
von Scoochie Boochie

(Wall explodes)
Dax: Get in
Scooch: Dax Pulsar? I thought you were working for Blomp
Dax: I decided fuck that guy
Also an impossible-odds space prison break is very much my shit
Helen: Welcome aboard the Risin Rust II
Dax: This is my ship computer Helen, she′s a big fan
Helen: What? No, I'm not, you are
Dax: There′s no time!
Narrator: At the Sun, they found a Blomp fleet
Surrounding a giant laser drill
Blomp: Behold! The might of the Blomp Armada, Squeeeezer of Windpipes
Scooch: Blomp, you idiot, there's no coal in the sun!
Blomp: You want the coal for yourself!
Scoochie: Ok he's useless. Dax, can we kick ass?
Dax: Outnumbered, outgunned... outstanding
Narrator: Dax plunged into the fray
Blomp ships burst like grapes underfoot
Dax: Helen, calculate the odds of survival
Helen: 1 in 2.3 million


Dax: Never tell me the odds
Helen: Okay
Scooch: Look!
Narrator: Suddenly a new fleet blinked out of hybrid-space
And engaged the Blomp forces
A hodgepodge flotilla: with Glutonians in their baguette frigates
Blake the Oracle, riding a skateboard made of pizza
And a ship shaped like a Bloomin′ Onion
Piloted by none other than Ronny Two-Shoes
Scoochie: It′s Ronny! He's one of the main guys!
Dax: Now we′re cookin' with jazz
Narrator: Dax led them into the teeth of the Blomp forces
A big-ass space battle, you can picture it
Helen: The drill′s almost charged, we're not gonna make it!
Dax: Just need a little more time
Scooch: I think I know where to get some
Narrator: Scoochie plucked a fat nug off the ship′s hybrid-drive
And rolled a doozy of a doobie
Helen: Careful Scoochie, nobody's ever smoked
That much eternity purp!
Scooch: I'm not nobody
Narrator: Then Scoochie saw it all.
How his vision of sideburns wasn′t him, but his father: Hoogy
Who was swept out to sea while drunk on a paddleboard
And washed up on the shores of the volcano
How they fell in love, but then a boat full of spring breakers
Rescued Hoogy and he was gone before MagMa knew
She was pregnant with the best rapper in the United Space
Then Scoochie saw his dad as an old man
Locked away in a high stone tower
Hoogy: I never should have left
But I was afraid. Did I really have the balls to marry a volcano?
But now I know... the balls are in the mind.
Narrator: Scoochie burst through the airlock
And jumped towards the sun
Scoochie: Excuse me. I know this is crazy, but
Narrator: He tried to take a knee in space
Scoochie: I knew from the moment I saw you
That I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Narrator: And pulled out a ring with a basketball-sized diamond
Scoochie: The Sun, will you marry me?
The Sun: Ummmm who the fuck are you?
Narrator: The sun spun suddenly and slung Scoochie off into space
Sun: I′m sorry, have we met?
What, so you thought I was hot, and that means we've got something?
We don′t have shit. Ok? I am a god in most religions
You are 5'11" with no chest hair!
You know what, fuck all of y′all
Why do men always have to blow each other up?
You're in space, bitch
There′s nothing but room to mind your own business
Blomp: Silence!
Sun: Who the fuck are you?
Blomp: I am Lord Blomp, Commander of
(Whoosh Sun burns him, Blomp screams)
Narrator: The sun lashed out with solar flares, scattering the fleets
Dax flew through the chaos like a river otter on CBD
And scooped Scoochie up out of thin space
Scoochie: My dad's alive, and he needs our help
Helen, can you get us to the Areas system?
Helen: Barely
Dax: Hold on. What's in it for Dax?
Narrator: Suddenly, another fleet appeared
Piloted by the single mothers and illegitimate children
Scoochie had left across the galaxy
BM: Scoochie Boochie, you owe 11 trillion credits in child support
By order of the Baby Mama Armada
Scooch: Dax, please
Help me find my dad before my kids find me
Dax: Tell me the odds
Scooch: I don′t know, 3 million to
Dax: Never tell me the odds
Helen: Ok we have got to stop falling for that
(Ship blasts off)