Intervention Songtext
von Schäffer the Darklord

Oh, hey guys
Hi Schaeffer

What are you all doing here?
I think you better sit down
Are you kidding me?
No, this is dead serious
Is this seriously an intervention?
This is the seriousest intervention

What the hell, you guys?
Well, you should ask yourself what the hell
You know, I really don′t need this right now
I think you do, I think you need to hear it
Alright, you went to all this trouble
Thank you

Say what you gotta say
Enjoy


Hey Schaeffer, it's been too long
What, ′09 when you went and dropped that bender song?
So come on, get your shit together
I hear you're smoking this coomer
No
Obsessing impressions got me wishing it was a coomer
Nice
I don't mean it, your habits should start to eat me
With all that cocaine, you think you finish an EP
Come on

You suck now, put the alcohol down
We′re only doing this ′cause we want you around

Whatever

Hey Schaeffer, it's safe here
But it′s safer in psychotherapy there
With the drugs and women can get to your life
It's very concerning
I′ve only ever seen you either drunk or high

It's not true
Your fans only wanna see that Dark Lord guy
I do
But I think you took this villain stuff a little far
With the drugs and alcohol
Only so long before you fall
′Cause I care more for Mark

STD is just a character
I'm only telling you because I care for you

Come on, man


I don't wanna hear it, I don′t wanna hear it
I just wanna disappear
Now listen here, this isn′t any of your business
I don't have a problem, you′re the ones with problems
Why you talking rock bottom?
Look, I got it, everything is awesome
Why don't you go home? Just leave me alone
I mean, come on, we could′ve handled all of this on the phone
I don't need you or your pity or your condescension
Wish you′d go away and take your silly little intervention with ya

Hey Schaeffer, I've missed you
No one knows us better than each other
Since the days that we were growing up together
Like brothers in Nova Scotia
Huh?

I blame myself for losing touch
You tell yourself when someone's hurting
That you can only do so much
But you′ve suffered enough
True
It scarcely feels fair

Growing up Jewish
What?

Queer
No

Black and in a wheelchair
No, the hell?
Damn it, Max
It′s Mark
I can't do this, I want out
You′re not the man I knew
What the hell, Jesse?
I'm literally in the wrong house, I′m sorry

Schaeffer, ain't your life a shitty mess?
No

Does a deep unhappiness
No

Permeate it all?

Is this even debatable?
Yes
You went to take a fall
Of what? We′d like some answers
But can't seem to pry your dick out of assorted strippers
And burlesque dancers
Dude
Long enough to get your attention
Which is ridiculous since you snort ADD drugs all day
Come on

Plus injections of hot spoon cooked
Taking it easy, finish your record already
Mortality's only increasing

I don′t wanna hear it, I don′t wanna hear it
I just wanna disappear
Now listen here, this isn't any of your business
I don′t have a problem, you're the ones with problems
Why you talking rock bottom?
Look, I got it, everything is awesome
Why don′t you go home? Just leave me alone
I mean, come on, we could've handled all of this on the phone
I don′t need you or your pity or your condescension
Wish you'd go away and take your silly little intervention with ya

Hey Schaeffer, it's your pal Lugo
And you know
Stop
Lugo, what are you doing?
I′m intervening
Yeah, but you′re not a rapper
Well, I mean, that may be
But that doesn't change the fact that you
Desperately need to get your shit together
Duly noted

Hey Schaeffer, you know that I be the last to correct

A fellow scientist of art, but I can see you′re depressed
You got that Dark Lord look in your eyes and sunken sockets
You got pockets full of every substance
You've been up for two dozen days
Not true
Screaming like Billy Mays
Pulling insider trades
A city that never sleeps needs a break from your antics

So here′s some Fiji and a Chantix
Enough of that sycophantic shit
I'm tired of enabling you ′cause I care
Hey Marty

Lately when I come through, you've been way dark
It seems your stage persona may be smothering your bright spark
Since I've known you, you′ve been such a great friend to me
But last time I visited you in NYC, I sensed the entropy
Plus your hedonistic tendencies are double OC
And your OCD has become amplified from popping Addies
Look, me and the guys just think you need to take a deep breath
I love you, but I′m worried
Do you think that you can cheat death?

Death? Death? Death?
You suck now
Only so long before you fall

You're not the man I knew

Finish your record already
You desperately need to get your shit together
Stop enabling him
You suck now
So long before you fall
You′re not the man I knew

Finish your record already

Enough!

I get it, alright?
I heard what you had to say
And you know what?
You're right, I am a mess

I have fallen apart
I cannot stress how much I needed this jumpstart
I never could admit it, I never wanted to face it
But I see I′ve gotta quit this shit
I've gotta make some changes
Through your speeches, I have seen that I am reaching my worst yet
And so today, it′s time I take the first step

I know I need to hear it, know I need to hear it
Know I need to quit this shit
My grip is slipping
Know it's killing off my spirit
Yeah, I've got a problem
I′ve a bunch of problems
I′ve been slowly growing rotten

In denial, all is far from awesome
Tonight I've been shown I′m not so alone
And I know I will survive when I face the unknown
I know that I was so defensive
Though you had the best intentions

I will get some help
I love you, thank you for this intervention

Now can anyone recommend a good therapist?