Bad Popcorn Songtext
von Roy D. Mercer

Hello?
This is Lyndon
Yeah
You′re the one fellow that owns that theater?
Yes sir
Listen, my name is Roy D. Mercer

We was at your picture show last night (uh-huh)
And my wife, Sharon Jean, ate some popcorn in there (uh-huh)
And hell, I think it must have been bad
Or the butter was bad or something
Because we went to the skating rink afterwards (uh-huh)
And she got sick and throwed up out there
On the rink during a couple spotlight skate (uh-huh)
And a couple behind us, they fell in it


Slipped and fell in it (uh-huh)
And the harp down there
And that fellow broke his arm
And that woman ripped ass in out of her sweatpants down there
And now they want me to pay for it
And I ain't going to do such a thing
And I was gonna hit you up for the money
To take care of his broke arm and his britches

Well, you know I doubt
I don′t know, I don't see where it's my responsibility to pay for it
Well, my God, there′s bad butter on that popcorn
No, I don′t think so, sir
Nobody else said anything about it
Nobody else has been sick
And that woman, she's eating that popcorn to know when the butter′s bad
She said it tasted funny when she first started eating on it (uh-huh)

And that's the only thing she had on her stomach
That′s the only thing that was there in her
I've seen them little kernels and old mages and stuff down there
Well, now, we got a fella with a broke arm
And a ripped pair of sweatpants down here
And they want me to pay for it, and I ain′t gonna do it (uh-huh)
And they said, it's gonna be about 300 dollars (uh-huh)
(Well) so when can I come by there and pick up a check?


I'm not writing you a check, sir
Well, then you have to get your ass whooped, then
Huh? Well, whatcha you give me your phone number
And I′ll let my lawyer talk to you
Ah, by God, ain′t going to be no use for no attorneys
I'm going to get 300 dollars
Or I′m whooping somebody ass, it ain't my fault
Well, it ain′t mine, ain't nobody else been sick, so, eh

Well, by God, just because it ain′t made nobody else sick
Don't mean a damn thing (uh-huh)
That's just fine, why don′t you give me your phone number
And we′ll see what we can do about this then, Mr. Mercer?
Well, by God, it's one 800-ass whoop (uh-huh)
You sell a bad popcorn
And you don′t back out with yourself (I don't sell bad popcorn, mister)
She made a mess, and that embarrassed her down there (well)

Then you need to clean the damn mess up
Well, that′s what they made her do (well, good)
They had to sponge it off and embarrassed her down there
And that's another reason why I′m in the mood for an ass whoop
Come on down here, man
Well, I guarantee you, it'd be chitty-chitty-bang-bang down there (uh-huh)
Or I'll contact my attorney, Bruce Hammer
And I′ll have him come down there

Well, just send something f- down here
Yeah, I guarantee you
You′ve heard of Bruce Hammer, he's a famous litigator
Uh-huh, yeah
I know who the little p-head is
Oh, man
Oh, Lyndon
Lyndon (what?)
This is feeling Brad and Roy D. Merser in Tulsa, Oklahoma (uh-huh)

And Bruce Hammer, apparently he thinks real highly of you
He does? (Yeah)
Well, you tell him that he′s fixing to get the ass whooping
The bar, the bar exam you get ready for him is made out of iron (that's true)
It′s called a crowbar attitude
Yeah, I know, it tied to him
Well, I guarantee I'd have been on you like a West Texas dust storm
If I′d have come out there

Well, bring your ass on out here then (oh, my God)
What's showing tonight?
Well, hell, I don't even know now
And I′m pissed
You forgot, huh?
Yeah
Red Ass, part one
The hunt for Red Ass October