Opening Songtext
von Nick Swardson

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Nick Schwartzen, let him here
What′s up, dude? What's going on?
What the fuck?
Yeah, yes

Hi, everybody, thanks for coming to the show
Good to be here, man, it′s been a fun weekend
You got to forgive me, I'm a little out of it, we got hammered last night
We didn't get drunk, I got attacked with a hammer
It′s fucking way different, it′s terrible


I, uh, oh, I did this, I went out to eat tonight
And whenever you go to a restaurant, do this
And the waiter brings you your food
When he puts the food down in front of you
Look at it really seriously and look back at the waiter
But you can't laugh, you got to be really serious
When he puts the food down, go like this
Go, "Uh, mmm, I can′t wait to put that inside me"

I swear to God, try it, it's a good time, it′s a good time
Every waiter does the same thing, they're always like
"Yeah, man, put it inside you or whatever
What the fuck does that mean? Is that guy crazy?
What just happened? Can I go on break? Oh my God"

Oh, I like to do this when I′m at a urinal
And I'm like peeing next to a dude
You know when you have to pee for like a minute?
Like a really long pee?
I always like to turn to the guy next to me and just go
"This is all semen, then it's like that, huh"
Yeah, that′s a party starter