Reading Scripts in the Dark Songtext
von Nada UV

My ten fingers tally your face behind my eyelids —
I count, recount, then lose track and let the morning raid me
Two mugs, one clean conscience —
Who fooled who, honey?
I detour my tongue, searching for brakes —
Every time, I run me off the cliff

I wrote your name on a napkin at midnight
Laughed it off, then boxed it up with my bills
Your voice spoiled my afternoon coffee
Trickled in, spun sugar, laced with threat
I practiced refusals, loud as headlines
(sharp as fish hooks)
Smoothed on lipstick, faked ambition
Just walked circles for the exercise of saying no
And still, I found you under my nailbeds
You stalk my playlist; one sly chorus at a time
Make my best defenses sound rehearsed


Why do I love a man as an act of self-erasure?
Did you rehearse the lines you fed me
Or am I just reading scripts in the dark?
My body speaks in riddles; my throat gets dry

I′m stalling the slide, rewriting my intentions
Juggling want with history
You thumb through my sentences
Shuffling the dog-ears out of my voice
I wish to hold the fever without catching —
But here I am, surrender, again pretending
I'm not asking for more than what you′ll lend

Check my pulse when I laugh at your jokes —
It spikes for seconds, then plummets to logic
I draw borders on my own arms
And color them outside each night you call
Dress rehearsals for dignity
Get canceled, rerun, always off-script
Who taught me to bargain my breath
For another round in your sheets?
I keep my shoes near the front door —
Just in case love tries to leave first


You crack my will, fold me double
Fold me double, then pass me off
I wrap myself in answers, threadbare and aching
I'd rather lose myself than feel untouched
My name, unraveling at the hem of your mouth —
Forget-me knots, too tight to untie

I'm stalling the slide, rewriting my intentions
Juggling want with history
You thumb through my sentences
Shuffling the dog-ears out of my voice
I wish to hold the fever without catching —
But here I am, surrender, again pretending
I′m not asking for more than what you′ll lend

If I vanish next time the sun's in your room
Consider this proof: I felt it, I tried
I learned your patterns just to unlearn mine
We both know —
This is not-new, not-news
But it holds me, halfway, and that′s all right
For now