Badtimes (Peel Session) Songtext
von Laika

If you receive e-mail
Subject: "Bad Times"
Delete it immediately without reading it
This is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet
It will rewrite your hard drive
Not only that, but it will scramble any discs
That are even close to your computer
It will block your van in a cul-de-sac
When you′re due at the BBC for a field session
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards
Screw up the tracking on your VCR
And use subspace field harmonics
To inexplicably play all 12-inch singles at the wrong speed
It will give your ex-boy- girlfriend your new phone number
It will leave hair on the bath soap
It will deliver the Sunday Sport instead of The Observer
It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit
And hide your car keys when you are late for work
Bad Times will make you fall in love with Tony Blair
It will give you nightmares about Chris Evans in a pink tutu


It will pour sugar in your gas tank
And shave off both your eyebrows
While dating your current boy- or girlfriend behind your back
And billing the dinner and hotel room to your Visa card
It will seduce your grandmother
It does not matter if she is dead
Such is the power of Bad Times
It reaches out from beyond the grave
To sully those things we hold most dear
It turns your teenage son's room into a national disaster area
It will kill your hamster
It will book a show in Majorca and the following gig in Munich
It is insidious and subtle
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold
It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve
Bad Times will remove your last good kidney
It will use up all the toilet paper
It will make a batch of methamphetamine in your bathtub
And then leave bacon cooking on the stove
While it goes out to chase high school kids with your new snow blower
These are just a few of the signs
Be very, very careful