Hey Jude Songtext
von Jon Simon

And you got, you know what, you gotta be
Careful with the free booze, they will get
Sir, are you okay there? Wow, wow, you better try to cash that in
I′m not sure what you coughed up there. Be careful with the free
Booze, that's how they′ll get you, with the free, specially you, sir
Man, you're like two drinks away of ending up on taxi cab confessions
, You know what I mean? You gotta slow it down a little bit. Then

Fellas, you drink too much. You know, you don't wanna drink too much
You know, you end up more impotent than the Nevada State Boxing
Commission, you know what I′m saying? I kid, I kid Tyson, I kid Mike
Tyson. In fact, he′s meeting me later, he's gonna rape me. It′s, uh
I'm very excited about it, oh yeah. It′s all part of the, I got a
Coupon, so it's gonna be great, absolutely great. That′s what I love


About Vegas, 'cause it's a smoking, drinking, screwing town, you know
What I mean? Yes, it′s one of the few cities in America where you′re
Still allowed to smoke everywhere. I love that, I love that. In fact
They should have the girls walking around shouting "kimo, kimo." You
See, sir, they yell "kino" with an n, man, I'm saying with a, oh my
Goodness. Anyway, here′s how, you wanna win in Vegas? Stay out of the

Casinos. Yeah, I hit the golf course, that's what I do, sure. Oh
Yeah, who golfs out there? Anybody golf? Oh yeah, everybody′s
Golfing now, yeah. I'm not good, they call me Tiger Whoops. I′m
Bad, I'm not good at all. I'm at the, yeah, that′s my joke, and

I′m at the, I'm at the range today, I′m at the range and this lady
She comes running up, she's like "I was stung by a bee," and
I′m like "Where did the bee sting you?" She said "Between the
First and the second hole." And I said "Your stance is too wide
You gotta close that gap up, because the bee flew in and stung
You right on the taint." That's not, you can′t, that's not good
On the taint, oh sure, the speed bump. It's taint nothing, it′s
Between that thing and the other, you know what I′m talking about