Terrorism Songtext
von Greg Giraldo

And then there′s terrorism stories
Terrorism stories on the news
You know, I live in New York City
So you're always worried about this terrorism stories on the news
You know, my son is watching it
He′s like, but daddy
"How come the bad men hate us so much?
Why do those bad men hate us?"
Isn't that heartbreaking, man?

I almost started crying, you know?
Because he's 18, now
What kind of moron am I raising?
I don′t know why they hate us, dipshit
Why don′t you read the paper and form your own opinions
Why do they hate us?
Nobody knows why they hate us
Because Americans don't read papers
We don′t know shit, we don't know what goes on in other countries


You ever talk to a European?
Sometimes you have no choice
You ever talk to one of these people?
You know, you′re trying to learn to ski or whatever
These fucking, these Europeans, they know everything
They know more about America than we know about ourselves
I don't know what it is about starting to smoke
When you′re nine years old that turns you into a geopolitical genius

But these fuckers know everything
They always say things like you know
Actually the U.S. could have lost its independence during the War of 1812
And you're like, all right I don't know shi-
You′re trying to think of the one thing you know about Europe
You′re like, oh, French chicks got hairy pits right?
I was talking to this Arab guy
He said, why do the Americans always support the Israelis?
He said, it's probably because in America

The Jews have all the money and they control the media
Which is ridiculous and racist
And really only part of it
Americans don′t really know what goes on between the Israelis
And the Palestinians
So basically, Americans support
The Israelis for one reason
Because the Israelis never do this
Seriously, I think that's 95% of it
I′m not even kidding


Because I think the average American's like
Shit, I don′t know what's going on over there
But I don't like that, I know that
I′m going with the team that ain′t doing that, that I don't like
This guy told me, "It sucks for him
He′s always stereotyped as a terrorist, you know
Whenever he travels, people assume he's a terrorist"
And that does suck, but this is America
Every ethnic group has a stereotype

That they′ve had to overcome at some point in their history
I mean, I'm half Colombian and half Spanish
I don′t get upset every time people assume that I'm a bullfighter
I don't, I just deal with it
It′s my little cross to bear
I can′t be seen with a sword or a cape, you know
You don't think I′d love to wear my skin-tight pink capri pants
With the bedazzling on them?
You know, out here, look at that bullfighter
I told you they was all bullfighters

And in New York, you know
There's signs everywhere on the subways
That say watch out for anything out of the ordinary
Watch out for suspicious activities
If you see something, say something
That′s their, that's their way of defending us
If you see something, say something
First of all, in New York City
If you′ve been in New York City what doesn't look like suspicious activity?
You would have to spend your whole day

Tackling people and apologizing
Oh shit, sorry
Sorry about that, you look vaguely foreign, move kind of quick
Can't be too careful these days you know?
Looked like you might have had a bomb
Good luck with that baby
I hope it works out for you
Can′t be too careful
If you see something, say something
Shit, I once saw a guy peeing on a guy masturbating

All right! Who do I call?
That seems kind of out of the ordinary
Yeah, I think I see something
I don′t know, I don't know if it′s terrorism per se
But it's definitely disruptive to the social fabric
And then they put terrorism experts on CNN
With their doomsday scenarios of what might happen
And you get the sense that they′re coming up with ideas
That the terrorists haven't thought of themselves
They′re like you know Wolf, very few people know this

But there's actually an incredibly important
Atomic substation located right in Ocala, Florida
Now, it wouldn't be hard for them to find
I′ll show you right here on the map, exactly where it is
All it would take is a very small explosive charge
Placed in this exact spot right here
Even a firecracker would do it, Wolf
Or a bottle rocket or even an Egg McMuffin
If they were to smear an Egg McMuffin
Right on this spot right here

The entire eastern seaboard would go down
There′s only one security guard there
His name is Bob, and he's a bit of a boozer
So just imagine how easy it would be for them to get in there
It′s frightening, really