CD Repair Guy Songtext
von Greg Behrendt

Now, had this incident with the security guard been an isolated one
I would have just written it off. I would have said, "Well, that dude
Don′t know me. He don't know the magic that I′m bringing as a 42-
Year-old. He don't know about the CDs in my car and how my shit's
Decorated at home. He hasn′t seen my
Wife. He doesn′t know how cool I am."

A couple days later, my compact disc player breaks. So I take it to

Compact disc player repairman, young gentleman in his 20s, all right?
And I have some tattoos and piercings, but this dude had horns or
Some shit. He had horns, and I think he actually had the head
Of a ram grafted onto his skull. And it was cool! And he looked
Good! I'm not fucking knocking him. Good for you, dude
Can′t pull it off. And I don't think we′re bros. I just want
My compact disc player fixed without a problem, that's all
I′m just nice, man. I would give him a smile, you know? I'm like
"Hey, man. My compact disc player's broke." I said, "Don′t be
A dick." But dude can′t let it lay there 'cause he′s young


Looks at me, looks at the compact disc player, looks back
At me, looks at the compact disc player. Opens up the
Compact disc player, takes out the compact disc and goes, "
Mmm. Here's your problem, dude. You listen to shitty music."

"Uh, first off, uh, Duran Duran were a vital... yeah, yeah, yeah
You never been hungry like the wolf, bitch? I′ll tear those antlers
Off, I swear to God. Her name was Rio, and you can step the fuck
Outside, my friend. It's on. Oh yeah, let′s go to the gun show."

And underneath his fucking Death Cab for Cutie hoodie or
Whatever he's wearing, something fucking hip, he's wearing a
Phil Collins t-shirt. And I′m like, "How can you make fun of
Duran Duran? You′re wearing a Phil Collins t-shirt, dude. Phil
Collins." And he goes, "Yeah, dude, I'm wearing it as a joke."

See? He′s 20. He has access to irony. I wear a Phil Collins t-
Shirt, fucking creepy old guy. Getting old's a bitch, man. And
There′s a lot of young dudes here tonight. And you're like, "
I ain′t going out like that, bro." Oh yes, motherfucker, you are

So hear me tonight a little bit, and listen to me, and
Maybe you will enjoy what you have, for it shall be taken
From you quickly. Hear me tonight with your tight skin
And your judgment. Listen to me so that you can appreciate
What you have, for it shall be taken from you momentarily