Hire Me Songtext
von Dr. Syntax

Hello Mr. Hughes
Hi
My name′s Richard
I'll be interviewing you today

Okay, so I′ve had a look at your CV

Given your experience, in all honesty, tell us how
You might approach working for a company like ours

Honestly?

Yeah
Errr, I'll probably turn up early every day for my first week

Just to have you thinking I'm disturbingly keen

But the very next week it′s unlikely I′ll be heard from or seen

Till at least 9:30 it seems
And while you're telling me we need to work as a team

I′ll be doddering around in a world of my dreams
And as for a dress code, hell no


If you want me in a suit then I'll turn up in jeans
You might think that I′m half-witted
But when it comes to myself then I'm generally a harsh critic
I take on projects I can′t finish
And leave people hanging right at the last minute
(That sounds a bit unprofessional)
So what? Would you prefer it if I said I'm like a robot?
I'm just a broke Joe Bloggs with no job
Who can′t afford what his life costs

I′m begging you to (hire me)
I'm not civility personified
I′ve never even had a job I liked
But please (hire me)

See I'm just trying to be the honest guy
Assuming that′s what every boss would like
Go on (hire me)
Cause right now I'm in a rut
Down to my last tenner on the first of the month
Please (hire me)
Go on (hire me)
Anyone? (hire me)


I won′t increase your turnover
I'll turn up hungover
Having spent the night on some sofa
It doesn't matter if I′m drunk or sober
I′m in the same shirt with a funky aroma
You can try and call me but I won't pick the phone up
I′ll be online chatting with some other stoners
Talking about how shit my job is
But at least I get paid just to sit and talk bollocks

I went to uni twice but that's irrelevant
Did it for the hell of it, middle class decadence
Wahey, I′ve got some arse degrees
I was a regular face on a whole lot of party scenes
My bank's still charging me
For some money those cunts loaned me back in ′03
Please let me know you're keen
Or just slip me some dough and I'll leave, I′ll be so discreet

Yo, Goldman Sachs won′t (hire me)
The whole civil service won't (hire me)
Hewlett Packard won′t (hire me)
The Evening Standard won't (hire me)
HSBC won′t (hire me)
The Esso 24 hour garage won't (hire me)
Random House Publishing won′t (hire me)