Press Conference Songtext
von Danny!

Let us begin

Good evening ladies and gentlemen
I′ve called this press conference today to
Address a number of questions that I'm sure a lot of you have of me
Yes, I′m signed to Def Jux now
Yes, I went to the Grammys last year
No, I don't get a lot of love outside of
The two or three people that know about me
Now that that's out of the way
I′d like to address anybody that′s got any questions
Um, yes, you in the three piece


I purchased your first three albums but how do I find your beats CDs?
Beats me, of course you could start down Lime Wire Avenue
Turn east on Kazaa Street and beep the horn at the main center
And tell 'em D Swain sent ya
Is it true you went to the Grammys off of the strength of charm?
Yes, I just extended my arm
I looked and saw my name on the ballot
But not enough votes were gained to tally
Sad story, should′ve been nominated for the overlooked MC category

Did you really get expelled for making eleven Gs
Changing students' grades from Fs to Bs?
Um, next question please
Yo Van, I′m your biggest fan
But listen man, I'm trying to be like you
What′s your secret to success?
Jesus, sleep, and sex

Next
Yes you in the orange blazer

I think you shouldn't joke on your views of our Lord and Savior
Who's joking homie?
My relationship with God is great
Although I did exaggerate
I haven′t had sex since ′98
Wait


One second I'm answering your questions
Niggas don′t know but they front and don't ask
You need to ask me
Right, question, come on
One second I′m answering your questions
Niggas don't know but they front and don′t ask
You need, you need to ask me
Question, come on

Okay, uh, next question

Yeah, you in the Akon baseball cap
What happened? Thought you was managed by some lady at Sony
You know some ladies are phony
They try to play a jabroni
Homie, I might've jumped the gun
But she could've called me
No hard feelings here
But she probably trying to blackball me
Damn

Well how do you feel about it?
I′m gonna keep it real
I doubt it made a major difference
Ain′t like I'm what the game′s been missing
Booth attacker, wack producer
Rapper slash attempted hacker
Nah, I wouldn't have sold
My record would′ve went fools gold

What about this Def Jux deal now?

I hope that it goes well
So please wish me the best of luck for real now
Scared to put my future into
Somebody else's hands with
Somebody else′s plans
Damn, somebody help this man
Well do you wanna get signed or don't you?
Only if the money's right
My money′s tight
I beg for table scraps on every Sunday night

But I ain′t Marmaduke or Scooby Doo
I paid a lot of Scooby Doo
So Scooby Dooby don't you try to screw me dude

Can we kinda wrap this up?
I gotta send some more friend requests on MySpace

One second I′m answering your questions
Niggas don't know but they front and don′t ask
You need, you need to ask me
Question, come on
One second I'm answering your questions
Niggas don′t know but they front and don't ask
You need to ask me
Right, question, come on

Why come your name never gets mentioned?

The game's paying attention
But dang, I think I′m going insane
Listening to the pub these other rappers get
My album made the Grammy shortlist
But I guess nobody gave a shit
Well what you gonna do about it?

Either take another breather
Or just take consumers hostage
Brandishing my mother′s heater
Lead 'em into my basement
My cassette tape taped to their hands
Stand on a box and scream at ′em
Take this

How come you and so and so ain't never collaborate?
I′d love to elaborate

But maybe next Saturday
I don't hate him, I just sour grapes
It takes a man to keep it moving
Keep pursuing my dreams
The leaders keep on snoozing
Do you think you′ll ever get the props you feel you deserve?
Before that, I'll probably fuck around and join the reserves
Or enlist in the French Legion
Sit on the bench with heathens heaving smoke from a peace pipe
Before niggas say D's tight

Yes, you in the back

I think what you′re doing is wack
In fact, this track′ll never get burned
This conference has taken a nasty turn

Um, please put your statement in the form of a question
Four minutes left in this informative session
Any more need addressing?
Didn't think so

Alright, we gotta go
Wrap this up man
Tape recorder′s on
We done here, we done
Come on, come on