Struck by a Vehicle Songtext
von Dane Cook

Three weeks ago, one of my dreams came true
I finally got to see something I′ve always wanted to witness live
I finally saw someone get hit by a car
Nailed

This guy got hit right in the hip
That's your center of gravity and that sends you flipping through
The air like Eddy Gordo from Tekken when someone doesn′t know
How to do combos and they're just hitting the buttons randomly

I always just miss it, right?
I'm looking and then I go to order my twisty cone
Oh, what? What happened?
The guy got hit? No
I just went to order my twisty cone and I missed it
This guy gets nailed


This is the setup
He′s walking down the street and he′s doing that wacky speed walk
He's got the buds in his ears and I don′t know what
You're listening to that makes you do this fucking walk
Maybe just a tambourine or maracas
You′re just

So Johnny Tambourine is walking down the street

He's got the "not a good time to cross" signal
As he′s going across, I see the car coming down the street
When I see the car coming, I'm like, "Yes, finally
Don't talk to me
Don′t talk to me, I gotta see this"

The guy goes flying into the air
His shoes flew off
When you get hit by a car, sometimes your shoes will fly off
Sometimes your pants will come off
But I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion on this strike

And before I go any further, here′s the best part
This is how he lands on the other side of the car
Which was a Dodge, by the way
And I thought that was kind of funny and ironic
I just, I got a little humor out of that


I did try to help this man
As the car was coming towards him, I reached out and I said, "Oh! Oh!"
That's all I could think of to say
There′s so many things now in retrospect that I would love
I'd love to have been like, "You′re about to get struck by a vehicle!"
I did not have time to say, "You're about to get struck by a vehicle"
So I went with, "Oh!"
Which is like a concerned moan

The guy gets tagged, okay?

The greatest part of the story
He′s in the air flipping around
This is how he lands on the other side of the car
He comes down perfectly on his feet and then he jumps
In the air and he starts walking around embarrassed
He's trying to play it off like he didn't just get hit by a car

People around him are like, "Oh my God!
Oh my God, are you alright? Are you okay?"
He′s like, "I′m fine, I'm fine, seriously, I′m fine
I'm a little bit hungry, but, uh, other than that, I′m fine"
"No, you should really sit down, you're bleeding from the ears"

"I know, I know that, I do that
Every couple of weeks I empty the blood out of my own head
It′s tradition in my family
Has anyone seen my shoes?
I kicked them off in a fit of joy
I love getting struck by vehicles and sometimes
I'll kick my shoes off in a fit of joy
I'm fine, I′m just gonna go over here and
Puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush"