Vegas Songtext
von Dan Gabriel

I was in Vegas a couple weeks ago
Clap if you′ve seen the fountain in front of the Bellagio Hotel
Okay, if you haven't seen it, it′s

The best fountain in the whole world
It's at the end of Oceans 11, right?
It's the victory fountain, it′s a block long
And every 15 minutes they play a song over the loudspeaker
And the fountain dances to the song
And if you get up on the ledge, you can look down into the water
And see how they make it happen
It′s actually a thousand gardeners with
Their thumbs over the end of a garden hose

They're very well choreographed

And they have snorkels on

While I′m in Vegas I have two jobs
At night time I do comedy, and during the day I
Hand out those hooker cards with the phone numbers


Flick flick, here you go
Flick flick, here you go
Flick flick, here you go
They always flick flick them before they hand them out to you
Yeah, flick flick
It's not just one flick, you never get one, it′s always two flicks
Here's your hooker card, flick flick, here you go
You guys don′t know why, I'm gonna tell you
It's because that′s how the phone number gets activated
It doesn′t work until the second flick

This homeless dude hit me up for change
While I was handing out the flick flicks
And, uh, normally I give the homeless dude some change
But when I'm in Vegas there′s no such thing as spare change
Every nickel I have has a dream attached to it

I was in Vegas once for my sister's wedding
My sister got married there, and I had to
Arrange my brother-in-law′s bachelor party
That's a weird spot to be in, right?
I mean, he′s marrying my sister
I don't wanna see him getting all pervy
All knee-deep in titty

I don't know what that means either
But I don′t wanna see, you know?
I told him I was gonna take him to a
Place with a lot of young girls and a pole
And when we got to the merry-go-round, he was pissed off
And disappointed


′Cause I'm no good in strip clubs
I′m bad at strip clubbery
'Cause I′m way more of a cheapskate than a pervert
Right? I'm the dude in the corner just rubbing money on my own crotch
It′s like, "Yeah, you're coming home with me, aren't you?
Mm-hmm
It′s you and me, Sacagawea"

I was online looking at, uh, nudie girls
And I saw a girl I went to high school with
Yeah, and I remember back in high school I would
Have given a million dollars to see that girl naked
And I′m glad I held out