The Pub That Changed Colour Songtext
von Blaster Bates

"Eeee, that′s a grand job there, come
Into the 'ouse and I′ll pay thee."
One of the more benevolent ones you get, you know
So we went in, he gave me this bloody tenner and we had a cup of tea
And I got in me old motor and come down his drive
And as I was coming down the drive, I-
You know when you've passed a place, you think you've seen it
And you think "Christ, that′s changed or something"
And as I come down, I looked at this pub and I thought
"I swear that was a black and white pub when I-"
When I came up, you know
You can′t quite place it, 'cause the
Bloody thing had changed colour, you see
It was like a dirty, bloody, streaky, mahogany brown shit colour
And the funny part about it was, there was a bloke
With a newly varnished cattle wagon on the car park
Which was then the same colour as the pub
I thought "There′s a coincidence"
A bloody cattle wagon and a pub the same colour, you know
Whistling, the sun had come out, you know


But the landlord, this bloke had gone in, it was Tommy Leech
He'd gone in for a bloody drink
And then it had suddenly started going dark
And they′d run out because the landlord
Said "It's a total eclipse of the sun."
He said "Me bloody chickens will go to roost."
"I shall have to go round the back and lock the buggers up," you know
They′d run out, 'cause they'd heard the crack of doom
Someone said "Christ, the Philistines are upon us, ahahahaha!"
They′d run out, you see, and when they got outside
The sun was shining, they couldn′t understand it for a minute
'Til I got down the end trying to get a
Bit of wheel grip to get across the road
Bloody Tommy Leech saw me, he said "That′s him!"
"That's the bugger there," he said, "it′s him for a pound," you know
The 'and was in the pocket
So I went across the road, I see you were the landlord
"Yes I am, look at me pub, look at me bloody pub!"
I said "Oh, what d′you reckon, an act of God?"
You know, "I'm not 'aving that, I′m not ′aving that," he said
I thought "We'll have to humour this bugger a bit," you see
"Who′s for a drink?" you know
So we all go back in again, by this time
He'd switched all the lights on, you know
We go back in again, I thought "Get him
Something expensive, like a small rum," you know
Anyway, after about half an hour
The bugger′d mellowed a bit, you know
He said "I'll tell you what I′ll do with you,"
He said "I've got that bit of land across the road,"
He said "and I've got a dirty old pit in it,"
He said "I want you here when the wind′s in
The other direction and clean my pit out,"
He said "You can blow all the shit all over Wycherley′s 'ouse
And see how ′e likes it"
Shows how these jobs snowball, innit?