Here's to Playboy Songtext
von Anton Donovan

Now gather ′round, you literate and you lascivious alike
For a tale of ink and airbrushing and the American appetite
A young man in Chicago with a sociology degree
Said the Midwest is repressed and it's depressing, honestly
He borrowed eight grand mostly from his mother with her reservations
And decided what America required was a monthly titillation
December 1953, the premier issue dropped
With Marilyn in calendar girl glory and the presses never stopped
He put her on the inside fold without securing her consent
The concept of centerfold was introduced and they knew what it meant
No date on the cover, that′s a bold man's bet
There's no second issue if nobody′s bought the first one yet


Here′s to Playboy, here's to Playboy
To the rabbit and the man who drew the curtain
Here′s to cocktails, here's to centerfolds
To the empire built on one thing that was certain
Everybody wanted to look
And nobody admitted they took
A peek between the covers of that venerable, disputable
Remarkable, unmarketable-to-minors little book

Now to Hugh himself, let′s talk about the founder and his creed
He typed the manifesto in a bathrobe smoking weed
Proclaimed the Playboy philosophy across a hundred pages
That sexual liberation was the project of the ages
He interviewed the Reverend, then he interviewed Fidel
He ran Nabokov, Ian Fleming, Vonnegut as well
Robert Anton Wilson collected high strangeness as an editor
The articles were great and all was well with Hefner's creditors
The Playboy interview could make a president perspire
Jimmy Carter told them truthfully about his deferred desire


Here′s to Playboy, here's to Playboy
To the grotto and the mansion in LA
Here's to smoking jackets, cotton tails
To the fantasy that sold and sells there to this day
Everybody wants the dream
The lifestyle and the whole regime
The pipe, the silk pajamas
Of glamorous, ridiculous, meticulous
Illicit but legitimate
Check-out-the-girl-next-door goodwill

But let us not get sentimental, nostalgia is a trap
The bunnies at the clubs were pretty much treated like crap
No dating customers, no sitting down, those corsets cut
And Gloria Steinem wrote a takedown of Hefner and his smut

Some said exploitation, others liberation
Both sides had some sketchy allies which only fueled frustration
Hefner stumped for birth control, bankrolled pro-choice legislation
Then sold his own specific fantasies across the nation
Plus Playboy had competition from Hustler and its ilk
What′s tasteful at the time often turns with time to sour milk
By the 2000s, the internet did what the internet does best
It came around and looted much of Hefner′s bequest

The subscriptions fell, the clubs were closed
The grotto gathered grime
And suddenly a centerfold seemed quaint, a proper relic out of time
In 2016, they brought us Brook Power and Josephine Canseco
And shocked us again when came the hour
We found that bare skin was now off the table

Here's to Playboy, the Playboy
To the bunnies on every airport shelf
Here′s to aspiration, perspiration
To a dying brand that can't outstrip itself
Everybody saw the joke
The pipe, the robe, the curling smoke
(What′s up, Bob Dobbs?)
(The grotto, the pajamas)
(The magnificent bananas)

Hef died in 2017 in silk beside his wives
They buried him by Marilyn and dug through his archives
The brand got sold and we were told of scandals covered up
The owners turned to crypto, the remaining fans gave up
The logo's now on fast fashion tees and every ad on Instagram

If you missed the salad days, it′s hard to understand
So to all the women photographed
As if lounging in your conversation pit
The literary luminaries who dazzled with their wit
One day we'll all be ashes and there won't be nothing left
But I believe we may achieve some truly volcanic orgasms after death

Here′s to Playboy, ah
Here′s to Playboy, ah
Here's to Playboy, ah
Here′s to Playboy, ah