Building a Better Machine Songtext
von Anton Donovan

I didn′t start out trying to ruin anything
No one's life, not even anyone′s day
I wanted to be taken seriously
I wanted people to listen when I spoke

At first I said what I thought was true
That didn't get much attention or many mentions
And laboring in obscurity was not sustainable for me
So I tried saying it harder, then sharper, then meaner
I told myself I was just being honest
Saying what others were afraid to
What I was really doing was learning what worked
Finding the god that they prayed to
Eliciting values, finding thumbscrews
Building a better machine


It turns out anger works
Moral panic, moral outrage, too
Division works
If you give people someone to blame
They will thank you for it
And for now it won't be you

Number go up, room get bigger
I heard myself get louder
It brought out the worst in me
And they clamored for more
It′s easier to bait than build
Building takes patience
Baiting takes one sentence

And at this point in history
It′s hard to see utility in public repentance
A great clown always doubles down
So I kept writing sentences one at a time
Until I discovered the secrets of the true believer mind

There were nights I didn't recognize what I′d said
I would play it and replay it in my head
And feel a kind of shame I couldn't quite name
That didn′t hurt any more
Than what was easy enough to ignore, considering


But the next day I said it again
(Because it worked) Because they wanted it
(They told me they wanted it)
Because I liked the feeling of being the one they were waiting for
(Somewhere in there)
I stopped asking whether I believed any of it
It didn't matter, never had, never would
I had escaped gravity, I′d become a free man

The crowd will raise you high
If you give them someone to punish
They will call it justice, they will call you brave
They will call you necessary
They'll watch the whole thing, they won't miss a bit
Because they wouldn′t want to miss
That inevitable moment you slip

When they turned on me, it wasn′t dramatic
No one needed to shout
They just stopped defending me
They stopped repeating my words
They decided I was the lesson now
I would have asked someone for help
Had I not by this point forgotten how

I had spent years teaching people how to tear someone down
I shouldn't have been surprised when they used the method correctly
When student becomes master
Down goes the old bastard
May he still be a star at the bar

The worst part is this
When it finally collapsed, I felt relief
I didn′t have to keep feeding it
Didn't have to be this person I′d grown to dislike
I didn't have to keep pretending that outrage was conviction
I didn′t have to perform certainty I didn't possess
Disgrace meant
I didn't have to act graced anymore

But exile still hurts (Silence hurts)
Watching people move on hurts
Knowing you built the machine that ran you over hurts
How could it not?
I don′t know what I believe now
I know what I did, I know I enjoyed it
I know it cost more than I ever would have bid
I became leader of a world I would never have wanted to live in
I thought I was directing the anger, I was standing in it
And I mistook applause for proof I was right