Instant Gratification Songtext
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Some people will tell you that instant gratification is a bad thing
Like having sex with strangers is a bad thing
Unless, of course, you′ve found sex with
Strangers to be a rather enjoyable experience
In which case, it's a good thing

If you′re like me, you think sex is like
Having the ability to breathe underwater
And I've found that unless you watched
Your uncle drown in a lake in Iowa
Swimming is an enjoyable experience
And I've found that people like enjoyable experiences

Like, you know how when you light a candle right at first
The wick gets really, really orange for just a moment
And then it′s gone and the small orange
Glow becomes a flickering yellow flame
And you let that candle burn on into the night
You turn the radio on and watch shadows dance around the room


Or maybe you lit this candle just because you have it
In fact, you have many just like it
Because there was this incredible sale on candles last week
And you said, "Well, what the hell, it′s such a good deal
I really don't need all these candles
But I guess I′ll burn them all eventually"
So you bought them and now you have way too many candles
And you just want to burn them all before the next sale comes around

Or maybe you lit this candle because your
Unconscious mind is a raving pyromaniac
And this is its method of transference
You could never really be a pyromaniac
Because then you'd have to burn a whole bunch of shit up
Causing much property damage and possibly even loss of life
Causing much trouble, wreaking havoc on your community
And that′s not your style

And you know this
You know you're not a mean-spirited person
In fact, you think yourself to be an essentially good person
With many admirable qualities


Though it upsets you that most of the
People you know don′t really know you
That there's so much shit going on in your head right this minute
That you think about things that are really important
Like global warming, the dream life of whales
Our depleting rainforests, the decay of America's cities
The mentally ill, and the effect of global warming
On mentally ill whales living in America′s cities
And you realize that no one, not one
Fucking human being really knows who you are

And right now, the person you are is pretty
Damn pissed off at all your so-called friends
You′re so angry right now your eyes
Have tensed up all orange and glowing
Like that candle getting all wound up
And right now it wouldn't take much
Coaxing from the voices in your head
Those dumb, uncontrollable desires of your unconscious mind
To get the hell out of that chair, grab that fucking tormenting candle

Take it out to your neighbor′s house and get that wood siding burning
It doesn't take much to get that fire going, you know
You′ve seen how a spark becomes a flicker
And a flicker becomes a flame
And before you know it you've got yourself
One hell of an inferno in front of you
And women and children screaming and dogs barking through the heat
And you feel better

You really feel better
And then there′s that siren in the distance coming closer
And that smile on your face growing wider

As you sit alone, back now in the darkness of your room
Striking a match to light up another candle
The new light in the room throws shadows on the walls
And it's comforting and beautiful
Your unconscious mind musing happily that they'll never
Expect the arsonist of old man Mitchell′s place to be you
You, after all, have a respectable reputation
They′d never suspect you
You're a good person
And everyone who knows you would testify to that

Talk about instant gratification